is my relationship unhealthy?
I love my boyfriend so much. I am only alive for him and he is the same way. I feel as though this is okay because I’m still alive. Why should it matter the reason? It was brought up in a conversation recently and the people I was talking with got very upset. I don’t understand why. He loves me and has showed it. Me and my best friend haven’t been getting along at all and she was the reason I was alive and my boyfriend. I am relying on my boyfriend a lot more and he is okay with it. We rely on each other to not k!ll ourselves. Is this unhealthy?
@pennypeppers
I'm not a mental health professional... but as far as I can tell yes. This is unhealthy. No one person should ever be your sole reason for being alive. I don't think that any relationship can take that amount of pressure for long.
I'm sorry to hear that both of you are struggling with suicidality. Are you able to get professional mental health help? I think that could help.
@pennypeppers
All kinds of dependency that interfere with our well-being can be considered unhealthy.
It’s like medicine, when you’re sick it’s beneficial to take medication in the right amounts. But in excess it can be harmful and addictive and damaging. Medication is not a substitute for being well.
Likewise relying on someone else for your happiness is not a substitute for being able to provide your own happiness. When we are going through a difficult period, when we are suffering; having someone to help us through it, someone to support us until we can find our own strength again and cope by ourselves, is often what we need. But the point is not to develop a continued and constant need for their support. Because then we have merely minimised our own suffering and problems by forming an unhealthy attachment to their support, which in turn entraps them in a permanent saviour role of constantly needing to provide support. It superficially avoids one problem temporarily, while creating and embedding more problems.
For this reason co-dependent relationships usually are not sustainable indefinitely. They are grounded in negative emotions (fear, loneliness, neediness) which are not positive emotions that help relationships grow and thrive.
Dependent relationships might feel ‘safe’ to us, because we all love the idea of someone who will always be there for us, we are all seeking the security of certainty. But it offers the certainty and safety of a cage, an illusory kind of safety that enslaves and diminishes - And humans weren’t meant for cages.
Your friend seems to be true to you, and want what’s best for you. They are concerned for your well-being and I’m sure their displeasure about this situation comes from a kind and loving place. Of course your relationships are for you to decide entirely. You are the author of your own life!
I hope this gives you something helpful to consider.
CatsInTheCradle
