I'm afraid of leaving further

Sup guys, sorry for my english but anyway I just found this forum and it might be my last chance to leave a happy life before I commit suicide. I'mma tell whats happening since a couple of years. I simply dont have a life and more than that every minute it's like I know it's gonna happen something bad to me. I mean, firstly, I don't have a social life or whatever you wanna call it. I mean I don't have any friends and I cannot make any. Believe me I tried many times. I'm just 14 now but I'm afraid that in the future I'll be just a old man who never had any friends or wife or a family and never went outside, among other people.

I also know that even if I'll not suicide I will live a life where I will be that one idiot guy which everyone it's "laughing at" (idk how to translate in english sorry). I mean I'm just stupid and I don't know why I cannot be like other people of my age. I mean I cannot do even simply things if life, but what about when I will be supposed to do harder things I mean when I'll be an adult.

Also, every second is a hell. I mean even when I walk somewhere it's way more than a hell. I have problems with the way I'm walking, I mean everyone who is looking at me it's laughing. And old people used just to look at me and wondering but that was till a few days ago. I dunno what's happening but even old people (I mean adults not those 80yo when i say old) even day started to laugh. Some people are so nice and they are not even looking bad at me but here in Romania almost everyone is the same. And of course i mean bad people and idiots. Some where tryna refrain but they couldn't and started laugh so hard as I think it was embarrassing even for them not only for me.

Also I am supposed to stay 6 hours a day at school just sitting in my spot cuz now i just started highschool and I totally failed in getting on with the others. So yeah, I'm gonna be the one strange kid from the last bank who is no talking with anybody and people can't stand without laughing about him. Actually how my life used to be last two years when I moved to a new class. Maybe some would not undestand cuz things are different here in Romania from United States. I mean a class is made of about 30 kids wich are colleagues between them till the 8th grade or 12th in highschools and so you can understand that its so embarrassing to be me in this situation as In other countries kids wouldn't know that you are so lonly cuz there are no classes. Anyway I talked so much even if it wasnt required but i donf care cuz i will die soon and i will funally find piece. But unfortunately I wont know cuz ill be dead then.

Anyway I'mma take some weeks of "holiday" cuz I'm planning to don't go to school. So these will be my last 3 weeks of life. I'll order a gun from online shop tomorrow so I will be ready whenever my plan would change cuz my parents would find out that I missed from school or something like that.

However I will miss so much the NBA matches with Detroit Pistons so unfortunately I wont be able to see when they will enjoy the win of championship this year. Yeah im sure they will win.

Actually my last words I want to be something where I'll use the only words that really meant something for me. Idk I think I will use words such like Detroit, both city and team wich is pistons; the soccer club that I loved more than almost everything in my life, FC Voluntari. I can remember that I was almost screaming of joy when they scored the goal that brought us the first cup in our history. I was tryna refrain from screaming wich was because of that enjoy but i dont rember if i could cuz that was the most happy moment i ever lived and i didnt realised what I was doing at the moment. It was like i was drunk or something like that.

But the most i loved my dog Toby wich is 4 years now but I remember the day when I brought him home and all those great memories I lived with him all these years. I mean he actually saved me from suicide till now, but he cant anymore. There's nothing that could do that, actually i dunno why I'm writing this here anyway =))))).

But still, what do you recommend me to do these 3 weeks I'll have? I mean I worth to do what I want so if you understand me tell me some good ideas to do. Yeah, I had so many dreams that won't ever happen even if I wont kill myself, I mean I wont be able to have my dream job because of my parents, FC Voluntari wont be the greatest team in the word, I wont ever go to Little Caesars Arena to see a Pistons game, I wont ever live there. I wont ever have a normal life.

So my last minutes of life will be sitting in my room, where I always was, with the playlist set on Imagine Dragons' songs, and with the gun at my head. I will also leave something in my phone with a message that will let my parents know that it was their fault too. Cuz they blamed me because I'm not like others instead of helping me. If i had normal life I had a future

So what to do my last 3 weeks ? And in the day i will kill myself i mean something like my last words or whatever you want