Overcoming shame, and Swiss Army Man

I have a lot of toxic shame in regards to sex and sexual-related things in general and left my religion about a year and a half ago (I still believe in God, though) and am working with my sex therapist to overcome this toxic shame. Has anyone seen the movie Swiss Army Man? I just watched it last night and really want to talk about it. (Disclaimer, it is rated R and may be a little male-focused), but it’s such a beautiful movie about overcoming shame and I love that the primary main character is able to find connection and realize he isn’t alone, and learn that he doesn’t need to feel ashamed, because he is loved by someone who understands him and accepts him for who he is. He’s able to be truly seen. I’m afraid of being fully myself with my closest/best friends, whom I love more than anyone or anything in the world. After watching this, I’m still scared that they will leave me, but I think I’ll make a plan for what I’m holding back and the ways in which I’m not being myself, and I’ll slowly show them those things. It is terrifying, but in the movie one of the characters says something like, “maybe we’re all a little ugly, and maybe all it will take is just one person to be okay with that, and soon the whole world will be dancing and singing and farting, and everyone will feel a little bit less alone.” And maybe my friends will be okay with all of me, but I can’t know if they will or not unless I try. One of my best friends said he feels like he can be himself around me. And I want to be vulnerable enough with him and my other best friend that I can do that, too. :)

It’s changed my viewpoint on shame, and instead of seeing shame as so giant and unbreakable, I realize that it’s a social construct and a power tool that people use against each other. It also runs on emotion and lies, and isn’t based off of facts. Just because we may feel like *** doesn’t mean we actually are. This helps break some of it’s power for me, because I realize that it comes from within myself and from the world, (and from Satan/the devil/Lucifer, if you believe in Satan), etc., and not from God. This is just my thought, but I believe God is loving and realized that He isn’t the one who shames us, but Satan is. This is helping me to accept myself because I recognize that this shame is just a feeling and I think we can heal from it if we can accept ourselves and choose to reject the world’s messages and religious messages etc., that tell us we’re not enough. You are enough, and no one is a bad person. Maybe we’re all just various shades of the color gray :)