Inner child

If I look at myself right now I don’t really hate myself I guess in fact I love the look and how I’m inside but when I think about my inner child I don’t know why I just hate her I find her ugly I despise her so much that I don’t even want to see her. I know I was bullied I was insecure and I had LOWEST self esteem I hated my everything plus people I don’t know if they found me pretty after having a major blow up and changing myself in a year from outside and inside in mindset. I don’t know why but when someone says “I want to be like you” I don’t like hearing it, I don’t like when someone looks at me or my past self or how they might look or traits I despise it and I don’t like it I hate it so much that I avoid it and when people say “oh love yourself” I’m like yes I do but at the same time I don’t love my past self or inner child whatever you want to say. I don’t even care if she’s sad because in my head I’m like at least the current me is happy.

What do you all think?