Self-love issues and comparing myself to others
I guess I'll start this by saying I just really don't like how I look. Mostly my face, but if someone asked, I could name a number of things. It's not that I think I'm ugly, I know I'm not. But I still feel ugly. If that even makes sense. I don't like my jaw, how my cheeks are chubby, how squared my face is, my chin, and many other things. And I can't ever seem to feel good about my body, either. I'm literally skinny with a small waist but I still feel too big. If I see any stomach I get extremely self-conscience. If I sit down while wearing a crop top, I put my arms around my stomach so people can't see any hint of roll that forms. And I know why this feeling started, and why it's still going. But I don't know how to make it stop.
I'm a rising ninth grader right now, and this started for me in seventh grade, when a girl who I viewed as a pretty close friend came up to me and said, "you know, there are some people in our grade who just make me feel kind of uncomfortable to look at. Like, you kind of do, when you aren't wearing makeup." At the time, the extent of the makeup I wore was some blue mascara and a heart on my cheek. I can't seem to stop wearing makeup now; I won't even go to school without mascara on. But as you can imagine, this comment, especially coming from who it came from, really hurt. And my self-esteem just went down from there.
The reason why it's still going down is probably mostly because of my best friend. Let's call her Molly. Now, it's not through any fault of her own, she's amazing. But... that's kind of the problem. Everyone loves her. She's smart, polite, and has blonde hair, blue eyes, a perfect body, and dances seriously. Being my best friend, we're almost always near each other. Which means I get to experience all of the constant compliments she gets, all of the "HIII MOLLYYYYY!!!!!"s, and then get to have the joy of them following up with, "oh. hi, Letta." when they notice i'm there. it doesn't feel good. I rarely ever get compliments, and nobody ever calls me pretty- but they call her pretty all the time. always around me. and obviously im glad that she gets compliments, it just makes me feel bad about myself.
Sorry, that was really long. I honestly just don't know what to do. To anyone who actually read all of that... Thank you for listening.
@Letta
Hey Letta,
First of all, thank you for sharing something so real and vulnerable. That takes a kind of strength most people don’t give themselves credit for. I read every word you wrote, and I want you to know that your feelings are so valid. You're not being overdramatic. You're not attention-seeking. You're just human and you're hurting, and that matters.
What that girl said to you in seventh grade was cruel, and honestly? It wasn’t about you it was about her. People who feel the need to tear others down are usually fighting their own inner battles, and instead of dealing with that pain in a healthy way, they throw it at people who don't deserve it. But the thing is... those words stuck to you like glue, and I’m so sorry for that. You didn’t deserve to carry them this long.
About Molly I know it’s confusing to feel both happy for someone and hurt at the same time. But that’s a real and very human emotion. It doesn’t make you a bad friend. It just means you're in pain and trying to understand where you fit in when it feels like everyone is looking past you. You're not jealous you’re just longing to feel seen. That’s not wrong. That’s actually really honest.
The truth is, beauty is such a strange, shifting thing. What’s praised today might be forgotten tomorrow. But being beautiful truly beautiful goes deeper than cheekbones or waistlines. It’s in how you laugh when something is genuinely funny, how your eyes light up when you talk about something you love, the way you care so deeply, even now, that you’re trying to make sense of all this.
You are not a backup character in someone else’s story. You’re not “the friend.” You are Letta And there’s only one you. I know it’s hard to believe now, but your worth isn’t measured in compliments or who notices you first. It’s in how you keep going, even with all of this weight on your shoulders. That is strength. That is power.
And one day, you’ll find yourself surrounded by people who really see you not for how closely you match some made-up standard, but for your mind, your heart, your weird jokes, your art, your quiet thoughts, your you-ness. That day will come. Until then, be gentle with yourself. Speak to yourself the way you would to someone you love. You deserve that kindness, too.
You’re not alone in this, Letta. And you are enough right now, exactly as you are.
Love,
Someone who sees you 💛
The mere fact that you tried out and got selected for the team shows you're not as bad as you think. But more importantly: your value doesn't depend on whether you're a good footballer or not. Geometry Dash
