09/24/2020 Check In
July 1st was my first relapse after being clean for a year and 1/2...
I literally can never make it to 2 years and its frustrating :/
Im going through a living hell right now so my urges have been so horrible lately. But I've remained clean since then so far.
The other day i ended up finding an old razor from high school and i freaked the fuhk out.
I gave it to my mother right away which is a huge step for me. I just wish these thoughts and urges would go away.
I wish this nightmare of a situation im going through would just end...
Ive been in the psych hospital for the past 2 months but i feel significantly worse now than before I first went into intake June 1st... After all these years of psychiatric treatment, i feel fuxking untreatable... I'm so exhausted and tired of being treated like nothing but a patient...
Im so tired....
@gothf
I'm so sorry to hear about the relapse and the discouragement, goth. It is really horrible when the urges won't leave you alone :( Relapse can be disappointing, but carry on. It is just a blip, it doesn't mean we haven't progressed.
Thanks for reaching out / checking in. I'm so proud of you for giving the razor to your mom. That's huge! :)
Keep going! Just hold on tight to your tools for self-care. Sending all the good thoughts and energies your way!!! We're here for you :)