Not sure this counts as self harm(psychological)

Hi, i have been attending therapy for the last few years and feel much better as a result. it wasn't until i attended therapy that i began to understand why i had such problems with changing myself. Every single thing i do is motivated out of disgust and distain for myself. Why don't you study harder you piece of shit, why don't you have more friends you anti-social asshole, why don't you exercise because you're getting larger you fat fuck. I have never really considered that self improvement can come from a place of self love because i didn't love or even like myself for most of my life. I only studied and did things because i had to, regardless of how painful it was. I never liked hanging out with people because it never came out of a genuine like of them or wanting to get to know someone, it always came out of some "duty" that i hade to force myself to do. I have been so mean and cruel to myself, put myself down at every turn. People assume i didn't take praise out of being humble but it was because i always saw it as why would you be getting praise for doing what you are supposed to be doing. This was me venting, not sure if this is the right forum. But how can i describe what i've done to myself as anything other than self-harm.