Self-Harm Recovery Check-In: Friday, February 28th, 2020
Happy Friday lovely SHR Community
Check-in questions:
How are you feeling today?
How has this week been for you so far? Are there any specific thoughts about it you would like to share with us?
In which way could you make a deposit into your emotional piggy bank today?
I am looking forward to hearing from you again, as always.
With love from France,
Valeria
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@admaiorasemper
How are you feeling today?
I'm feeling good and re-energised today. Got the day free today since the person I had an appointment with got sick
How has this week been for you so far? Are there any specific thoughts about it you would like to share with us?
Pretty good, was quite drained yesterday cause I didn't sleep that night. But slept really well last night, pretty much fixed it again
In which way could you make a deposit into your emotional piggy bank today?
Not sure if it counts, told the guy I liked I disagreed with a mean thing a friend of his said to him a couple days ago. Told him I find him sweet and kind. He responded positively to it, making me happy as well.
@Madaraismyspiritanimal
Dear Richard,
It is great that your week has been good and that you were feeling good and energised yesterday. I hope that feeling will remain with you for a long time.
It was so caring and kind of you to say those nice words to the guy you like and support him. I am glad that he was able to take in your words, making you happy as well. I think your emotional piggy bank is doing fine at the moment :)
I wish you a nice week, thank you for being here and checking-in with us
Valeria
@admaiorasemper
I woke up well rested this morning
Also, last night, a friend of mine was worried about someone dealing with depression, he hasn't heard anything from for a few days. So he asked me for my experience with depression and was happy I could ease his worries a little. I think he was able to sleep a bit better as well
@Madaraismyspiritanimal
That's great Richard! Thank you for sharing, you made me think of a quote I read some time ago, I can't remember it exactly but it said something like, our darkest experience can sometimes help to bring light into other people's lives.
This is how your emotional piggy bank may look right now:
1. I feel "sticky" so to speak. I don't feel refreshed or excited for the day this morning... feel stuck in one place and every negative thing & person I'm near sticks to me. I'm keeping myself static, letting others influence me when I know that's incorrect. Today is a new day so why doesn't it feel that way? I want to start getting more serious about being my "ideal" - not perfect - self. It feels impossible because I'm stuck in the environment that made me sick to begin with for at least another year. Why are some parents so focused on dragging their kids down? I know I'm strong enough to rise above.
2. The week has been long, went through it sleep deprived and woke up today sleep deprived. Can't remember the last time I slept the whole night without waking up or difficulty falling asleep.
3. "Set boundaries and stick to them", and especially "separate your self-worth from others' opinions"
@Lexloveslife
I can relate to the "stuck" feeling. I was that way for a few years. I managed to get into counselling for it. I hope you are able to unstick, it sucks when you feel like you have no choices. Setting boundaries is a good place to start.
Hope things get better for you soon.
@Lexloveslife
Dear Lex,
I really get this sense of feeling stuck whilst absorbing all the negative energy and influence of people around us. I am really sorry you are going through this... It is energy draining and it makes sense to me that you would not feel refreshed nor excited for the day. It may also be the reason why you are not able to sleep well.
I think you have very rightly found the key to get unstuck: setting boundaries and separating your self-worth from others opinion.
You ask why some parents are so focused on dragging their kids down: sometimes I personally think they might be simply repeating what they also experienced as children… This is no excuse of course. A hurtful behaviour remains hurtful… But perhaps feeling some compassion for them can help us for instance in getting unstuck…
You certainly are strong enough to rise above. You can certainly become whoever you want to be. I am glad you recognise you do not have to be perfect – this would be a never-ending and impossible task to accomplish. I hope you do not mind me reminding you that change happens when you accept and fully embrace who you are right now. In every moment, in a sense, you are already being your ideal self 
I wish you a nice week, hopefully with some quality sleep. Thank you for being here and checking-in with us
Valeria
@admaiorasemper
It has been a while since I have checked in. Life is a bit chaotic right now.
How are you feeling today? I am feeling pretty good today. A little worried as our daughter is set to be induced on Monday and the hubby had a minor accident at work today that has forced him onto a 3-day weekend. He is okay just sore.
How has this week been for you so far? Are there any specific thoughts about it you would like to share with us? This week has been a growing experience for me. I had a counselling session again and had a very liberating session. After doing the reading suggested I finally figured out that it is really as simple as being raised in an alcoholic household that has caused so many of my issues. It just seemed too simple all these years to trace it back to the neglect (I never saw it because we had what we needed, food, shelter, clothing, but there was lots of yelling with name-calling and derogatory comments about my physical appearance at times).
In which way could you make a deposit into your emotional piggy bank today? I am not going to overcommit to work. I am going to take a walk later this afternoon. I am also working on strategies to politely turn down family invitations where I know alcohol will be served as I now realize one of my anxiety triggers in overly intoxicated people (thank you to my counsellor for helping me see this finally). I know these will help keep me emotionally balanced.
I hope everyone has a great weekend and is kind and gentle on themselves.
Dear @wittyEyes6543
I had been wondering how you were… Time has fled… I can
@admaiorasemper
Thank you so much for the warm words. Again, I kind of dropped out of everything. We now have a beautiful granddaughter (Vienna) who came into the world early morning of March 3, weighing 5 lbs 8 oz, and 18 inches long. Had to buy preemie diapers for the first couple of weeks as the newborn ones just didn't fit right. She is doing well and growing at her own pace.
Have a great day 
@admaiorasemper Hey V - How are you?
Idk - kind of sad I think
It hasn't been to good of a week
I'm not sure - tbh - might just go for a walk in the woods see if that helps anything
Be gentle with yourself V and your thoughts
@mytwistedsoul
Dear J,
I am sorry to hear your week has not been a good one and that you were feeling sad yesterday… Would you like to share what is causing this sadness? As always, there is no obligation… just know that I am always here to listen to you…
Going for a walk in the woods – perhaps with your dogs - sounds like a nice plan: were you able to do it, and if so, how did it make you feel?
Let
@admaiorasemper
I am feeling good today :) This week was long and hard, but I made it. I think relaxing might be a deposit into my emotional piggybank
@PurpleSnail
Dear LumacaViola (Italian for purple snail!),
I am glad to hear you were feeling good yesterday! I hope you still are.
I wish you the nice and relaxing weekend you deserve after such a long and hard week. Thank you for checking-in with us
Valeria
How are you feeling today?
I'm feeling okay. Upset with myself because I took a nap when I could have done other things. I'm trying to remind myself that I needed to rest. I just hate feeling like I wasted my day.
How has this week been for you so far? Are there any specific thoughts about it you would like to share with us?
This week has been a rough week. My boyfriends sister has been staying with us and I haven't gotten anytime alone and no time to work on self care and because of that I'm more angry.
In which way could you make a deposit into your emotional piggy bank today?
I asked my Bf to take his sister out so I could have time alone.
@Goldcherry2113
Dear Cherry,
I am glad to hear you were feeling good yesterday, and I hope you still are.
I hear you were also upset because of a nap you took. I think it is very positive that you were trying to remind yourself that you needed to rest. I think resting is very important for both our mental and physical health and I am actually proud of you for listening to your needs.
I understand how a lack of time alone would make you a bit angry and unhappy. Again, I am proud of you for recognising this and asking your boyfriend to take his sister out. You seem to be very compassionate and particularly attuned with yourself. I think your emotional piggy bank can celebrate with a happy dance :)
I wish you a nice weekend and hope to hear from you soon, thank you for joining us in this check-in
Valeria
Talk about a total test of will power
I was let go from my job yesterday with no idea it was coming and no reason other than we regret to inform you your services are no longer needed, I managed to get home ok but all i wanted to do is go to my room and harm myself, went thru an angry stage and three all my uniform garments out, so I had to find a new winter coat in the closet i found one but it had a **tool** in the pocket, i so wanted to use that on myself, but i went to an A.A. meeting and talked about my day saw my sponsor and gave her the **tool**. Did sleep well much last night, my thoughts were consumed with Why.. and ways to harm myself.
Feeling so lost today
**modified by admaiorasemper to avoid mention of possibly triggering content**
@Chester77
Dear Chester,
I am really sorry to hear you have lost your job all of a sudden and without a proper explanation. This is a very difficult and frustrating thing to happen, and your emotional reaction is very valid and makes lots of sense to me. I am extremely proud of you for having found a way to resist your urges. Going to the AA meeting and giving the tool to your sponsor is such an amazing thing to do, I hope you can also feel some proud in yourself…
I understand the feeling of being lost today… I would like to gently invite you to take care of yourself as much as you can. And if you want someone to talk to, I am here.
As you may have noticed, I had to slightly modify your post to avoid the risk of triggering anyone. If you have any question regarding this, just tag me!
I want to thank you for checking-in and sharing what happened with us. I really hope you can have a nice weekend,
Valeria
@admaiorasemper
Thank you, sorry about the post I didnt realize it could have hurt someone I appreciate you fixing it. Just got home from a meeting, did not sleep much last night at all thoughts of why. That's my biggest questions, I have an appointment to see a lawyer tomorrow, and going to see someone at the car dealership where I just bought my new car to see what I can do about trading it in, I'm going to make an appointment to see my dr, early next week, and see what he can do to help me.. and I have an appointment with my therapist on friday...
Being able to just post here is helping me get out of my head and helping me express my thoughts. I know there is good in this situation I just need to get over the pain and anger to be able to see it.
@Chester77
No worries for the post 😊
I know how frustrating and upsetting it can be when we remain without an answer… I wonder if you could perhaps try and talk to someone from the HR and ask for a feedback?
Your next week seems like a very busy one… you mention meeting with a lawyer: is this about your work?
I am glad to hear you are seeing your doctor and your therapist. You are taking good care of yourself…
I really like what you wrote at the end, that you know there is some good in the situation you are in. I am also happy that writing here is helping you. We are here for you…
@admaiorasemper
Yes I'm seeing a lawyer about work, both the letter and the documents they gave me to sign have my name spelled wrong on them. ( insert palm smack to face) you would have thought they could have gotten it right.
I suppose I could try to reach out to HR however she was in the meeting when i was let go and I'm sure she cant legally say anything to me for fear she would lose her job. A friend told me to wait and see if anyone messages me after monday when ppl at work are slowly realizing or told. And see if anyone hears a rumor....
I just dont like not being able to defend myself, i was fired from a job in 1990 where i was tossed under a bus by a co worker who lied to the employer, employer fired me, then a couple months down the road came back to me begging to come back cause they realized the guy was lying as how can you continue to blame someone when they dont work there.. so I have been there before. And it friggin sucks, not being able to explain or defend self..
Just taking it one day one hour one minute at a time I'm so grateful to have ppl in my life I can lean on, I'm so glad i came out of the closet and told ppl i self harm so i dont have to deal with it alone.. it is not as taboo as i thought. There are so many of us out there, and if we can lean on each other and others it makes life so much easier.