Self-Harm Recovery Check-In: Tuesday, December 17th, 2019
Happy Tuesday lovely SHR Community
Check-in questions:
How are you feeling today?
How has the week started for you?
Is there anything you would like to share with us?
I am looking forward to hearing from you as always.
With love from France,
Valeria
@1Disawsum @23Lotus @24Help1 @Accentus @AdamantlyFree @addierus @admaiorasemper @akagmai97 @Akor1 @allnaturalBerry @amandaa6360 @Ambitiousthinker7178 @anabellamia1189 @anasierra @AndyDove1018 @AndyKade1018 @Antisocial5864 @Aphrodite11 @ArriaAna @arrowsgoforward @asheroo92 @AThingCalledPax @AugustaGeorgia @AuroraBorealis12 @Autismaunt14 @awesumturtlesz @Ayeeitsnotme @babybatman @Babycakex @badoinkitydoop @BandBeed100201 @bandnerd1002 @BandNerd100201 @bear228 @beniba08 @Bethfarmer @BipolarGrrl @Birdie998 @BisexualVirgo2023 @black1995 @Blackk1tten @BlamingParadox @Blcrss28 @blissedNblessed @Bloom97 @Boi @braveCranberry5772 @breezy @bribri20 @Brokentopieces356 @Brxcken @bubblzdancr @Bugggy @bugggy @BunnieLuv @butterflyPessimist @CaringBrit @CaringWater @Carrot20 @casscub @cassie03 @Catlover456 @caylaig6295 @Centremid @Charly @Charmingbeauty55 @Chels2002 @chillingwave01 @CinematicEnd @ClassicAnonymous17 @cocoafp191 @compassionaterainbow1479 @CoNfIdEnCe1 @conscientiousOwl7693 @ConsiderateSea95 @CoolCuke @Dachs @Daenerys03 @Daisy @Dany @DaysiaKelly @delicateWindow53 @diamonddepree @DiscreetBeach2458 @discreetowl14 @discreetSkies9236 @Discretegrapes8490 @dispost @Drummermattrocks @DyingPetals @dynamicHemlock1736 @earthkid @easyMap6620 @ElephantTiger1 @ElizabethEon @elle1508 @Ellewoods24 @emily0303 @emmadancer @energeticApricot2459 @epitium @Erato @EvilRegalsReadToo @exuberantRaspberries1213 @fairmindedRaspberries1389 @FallenStar2 @farahadell @FeathersOfJay @FindingPeaceWithin1 @FloweringBunny @fluffystuff @FranklyMaple @franky2OO0 @fullm00n @funfettifrosting @Funfettifrostingi @funnybanana4728 @generousKiwi8190 @Gin @Godsbae @goldenSummer1903 @GoneLikeAnAngel @Greg40 @HannahO11 @HelpfulAid @heyitsalli @HeyItsMish @HiddenShadows @hockey8628 @Hope2come @humorousBeing8966 @HunHansGirl @IfKpopWasPunk @Imaginativa2930 @imsorryitry @Independenttangerine @IndigoRoses @InkyOwl @InspiringLee @intellectualHuman6814 @Itinerarium @ItsReganingRain @Iwannaliveanddream @Jamie14 @Jashboi226 @Jennaray536 @Jenny34 @JinglesJudy @JohnCephas @juddskittycat @justkeepswimming7301 @JustThatAlien @KaidinJ @KayaBearz @kgyt0918 @Krispykitty12 @laicrose @Lasagna1 @Leanna @Lilbabygirl @LinearWaves @listenermegs @Littleblu @live2die1 @liztheloser123 @LooneyArtimus @LostInTheWorldT @Love4all525 @LoveableLesbian @LoveYaGod @LycheeBoba @Madaraismyspiritanimal @Maddheda @Mads @MandaGPanda @marala11 @mariaquiiroga @Marissa1031 @mayaaaaaaa @Maypanic11 @minitigriss @MinMIn922 @Miraculousiris31 @Misfitzombie012 @MissGoodby99 @modestCat9806 @Moosewithducks @MysteryAnn @mytwistedsoul @naturalWillow84 @NevaehRose @neverendingwaves @Nola1818 @noselfesteemloser101 @notanange @notmyselftoday @NotQuiteBlue @novareckenstein153 @otto123 @Outoftear @panwithnoplan @pastellexoxo @paytonfaye2003 @Peachkitten5883 @Penguin5921 @peoplej1997 @pinkThinker6194 @plushOasis77 @politeHouse5612 @Popa @porter2927 @pumpkinpi @purpleButterfly24 @purplesnail @QueerChristianTeen @Quietcat2549 @quietman4875 @QuirkyAnne @RabbitTangerine @rainysierra27 @RALC20589 @raspberryMoon5394 @rationalComputer3503 @RAWR3 @ReallyNotOkay @rebecca947 @Redhawk6547 @Reesespeauntbuttercup @rexpeter99 @rlpsgf @Ropes24 @rosenova1513 @Roseutopia @rosewater10 @Sadgirlforever @SadUnicorn5270 @sailorelix @SaintClrStudent @samgroves02 @Saskianite @selfconfidenceTangerine1778 @Sewmachine @sewmachine @shymelody @Sierra56 @Silentguitarist @sillyavocado @SimpleMe12 @SisterRaven @Skafa1214 @Skyla @Skyy0 @slytherinstarling123 @Snowangels48 @Softhearted975 @softlysolitude @soniatel @SpaceyCasey @stellaadaviss @stellaluna04 @strangebagel @StrangeClarity @strawberrmilk @Survivor108 @TeresaGreninja91 @Thegirlwithabrokensmile @TherealJake @Tommy38 @Totallovatic @TransWolf @Truth22 @turquoisePine1459 @twentyonepilotsclique @Twitch98 @Twotonnetable @Veerlexm @vikingwolf802 @VividDreamer @Waveywoop @WhiteWolfIdiot @willowgreen22 @Winterisnotmyseason @WonderfulHart1330 @Xirin @XwonderlandgirlX @Yovela @Zammn
@admaiorasemper Hey V - How are you?
Today is a sad day. Kind of emotional. Getting lost in my head alittle. Been having some urges but have distracted ok enough.
The week started ok - kind of comes as a surprise sometimes. Like wow it's Tueday allready? Where did Monday go?
Lol - I think sometimes I share to much
Be gentle with yourself V and your thoughts
@mytwistedsoul
Dear J.,
I am sitting here with you and your sadness, wondering if you are able to hear what it is trying to say to you?
Time does seems to fly sometimes. The good thing is that we are one day closer to summer :)
I am floating above, so it is not that bad. Thank you for asking. Let's both be gentle with ourselves and our thoughts, whatever they are...
Fluffy bunny says hello again!
@admaiorasemper
I feel terrible. I failed my math exam
The week started a little stressful for me. This is exam week so I will be studying this whole week.
Hi there @PurpleSnail, it is nice to have you here today!
I'm so sorry for your math exam... I feel for you, I still remember how stressfull and intense were those weeks before both the Christmas and summer break. Good luck for the English exam you have tomorrow. I am looking forward to reading from you on Friday, when you'll be finally able to relax 
@admaiorasemper
How are you feeling today?
I'm feeling pretty content today, slept pretty well last night
How has the week started for you?
Monday was pretty good. During a conversation with my therapist, she gave me a compliment, and I quiet quickly noticed the negative effect it had on me, so I pointed it out.
Today was very up and down
Is there anything you would like to share with us?
Today, I went for a walk in the morning, but they were working on the road, so I had to walk through mud and puddles, which was a bit annoying.
Later, during group therapy, one of the newer members opened up a lot, was obviously very emotional. Mixed feelings about it, cause I'm glad she could share it and for us to understand her situation better. But her mood and that of the other people of course also affected mine.
Also during therapy, I asked to sit somewhere else, cause the light reflecting off the blinds was distracting me. Before I would've tried to ignore something like that.
I was also expecting a package, so I was waiting at home. Suddenly I got a message it got delivered several houses doen the street, while the never came to my door at all, so that was also irritating.
@Madaraismyspiritanimal
Hi Richard :)
Content sounds nice!
You know I am really impressed by all the things that you seem to be currently noticing about your feelings, your emotions, your thoughts: your negative reaction to your therapist
@admaiorasemper
My foot is doing better, it seems I got all the glass out after all 🙂
You're right about me noticing more. A couple months ago I would think back at the end of the day and not really know why I felt sad or angry. So being able to list these things is a pretty big difference 🤗
@admaiorasemper
so this Christmas period is pretty rough all I am doing is going down hill and it is not fair I'm not a pretty person atall
Hi there @Rainbowpenguins , thank you for being here today and for sharing those thoughts and feelings with us. Christmas can indeed be an extremely rough period and our inner critic can get louder than usual... I am sorry that yours is being so tough on you and making you think you are not a pretty person. Do you think you could try to visualise this thought as an external entity? I mean, really see it as words getting out of your mind for instance, something that you can contemplate from a distance, with compassion? Thoughts are allowed to be for what they are: thoughts, not necessarily reality...
I send you a tight safe hug if you want it, and I am here to listen to you should you wish to talk more about how you feel
I know I haven't posted in these threads before but today I had the weird realization that I'm so depressed I don't even consider myself worth the effort of self-harm. I just can't make myself care enough to even want to destroy myself. It's probably both a good and bad thing.
Hi there @tluper6491, welcome here! There is always a first time to post :)
I am really sorry to hear you are feeling so depressed and kind of hopeless it seems...
Self-harm is not the right answer, it never serves us in the long term. To me it seems like there is a part of you - that you may be unaware of - which is aware of this.
You are not alone, we are here to support you and please do not hesitate to reach out and share more if you think it may help you. I'd be happy to listen to you.
I don't know even remember how it happened. It was a Tuesday night. I was stressed and I guess I had been craving it. I kept telling my friend that I wanted to do it again that I felt so dead and I didn't know what else to do to fix how dead i I felt, how unalive I was. I was really mad at myself, I was thinking about every misdeed I did, everything I did wrong and I took the first chance I got. In the shower with a razor. I was mad but I didn't want it to be too noticable, but I wanted to see it bleed. When I was done the burning of my arm didn't matter, I felt alive and weirdly happy but deep inside I didn't really like it and I hated it for being such a hypocrite, telling people to not do what I'm doing right now. I haven't cut since that night but since that night, the urge is still there and well, I was told off. I didn't tell anyone until P.E where I raised my sleeves up for a second to check my wrist and my close friend noticed. A group of my close friends then later decided to tell my English teacher, who I really liked and had recently came out to and then the school counselors. They told my parents who I got a lecture from but we haven't really continued the discussion. I want to cut again but I know at some point my parents or my friends will notice and I'm tired of being clean for a long period of time and then ruining it.
Hi there @Watchitburn23, thank you for joining this check-in and sharing with us what is going on for you.
Reading you recounting the past time you self-harmed, it seems to me that you were driven by feelings of shame, guilt and self-hatred, but also by the need of feeling something strong, perhaps able to take you out from a sort of numbness. Does this resonate with you?
You say the urge is still there, and it is ok and understandable: which emotions, feelings and thoughts do you think are feeding it? It takes time to move away from previous coping mechanisms, but there are alternatives to self-harm that are healthy. I am going to upload a picture for you with a few suggestions, and Id be happy to provide you with more ideas if you wish me to.
I am glad to read that you were able to manage this urge so far. I am very very proud of you! I am also glad to read that you have supportive and caring friends. I know being found out may feel horrible and we may even resent our friends when they take action, but I wonder if you can see their concern and love for you underneath that?
Please do not hesitate to reach out whenever you need support, we are really here for you <3
@admaiorasemper hello..
How are you feeling today?
I'm stressed. Not really for finals. My urges are strong, but I'm fighting back.
How has the week started for you?
Finals are not fun, but that's ok.
Is there anything you would like to share with us?
I want to go back to the hospital. I feel so safe and loved there. I just want to hide away. I think I'll be okay though. <3
Hi there @Kiwi16, I am happy to read from you again!
I am proud of you for fighting back your urges, even more so considering that this is such a stressful moment for you.
I really get the sense of being safe and loved at the hospital, and the wish of going back there and just hide. Hiding is ok. We all need to shut down from time to time and I think it is good that you can recognise your feelings and desires so well. I wonder if there is another way for you to recreate this sense of safety and love that you experienced at the hospital?
Take good care of yourself, I am here for you if you wish to talk some more <3
@admaiorasemper
How are you feeling?
Well I am feeling okay, for now.
How has your week started?
Decent , My test scores could have been better but other than that well.
Anything you want to share?
No, not neccisarily.
Hi there @TidyTurtle54540! I see you have just joined our community, so a big welcome here to you! I hope you will enjoy this experiece :)
I am glad you are feeling ok and that the week has started decently for you, despite the fact that those marks could have been better. I know it can be very frustrating when we have certain expectations... at the same time, we cannot always be perfect :)
I hope I will keep seeing you around, and if there is anything we can do for you to better support you, do not hesitate to reach out!
