Self-Harm Recovery Check-In: Tuesday, December 24th, 2019
Dear lovely SHR Community
Todays reminder for all of us is simply to breathe and to allow us to feel whatever we are feeling. All emotions and thoughts are valid and welcome, regardless of the time of they year we are in.
Check-in questions:
How are you feeling? Can you name your emotions?
Are there any specific thoughts you would like to share with us?
I may be a bit slow with my replies, but I will get back to you and you will all be in my thoughts in the meanwhile. Please take care and have a safe Christmas.
With love from France,
Valeria
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I'm feeling a bit sick today. Feeling a bit hopeless and scares for the days to come.
Got to hear that a person pretty close to us past away yesterday, after suffering two strokes, on Sunday and Monday. Not personality close to this person, but never nice news.
@Madaraismyspiritanimal
Hi Richard, I'm really sorry you are feeling sick, hopeless and scared. I also understand very well how the death of someone we knew, even if we weren't close to them, can affect us. I hope these difficult emotions and feelings will become less intense in the next few hours. I will be thinking of you.
@admaiorasemper Honestly, I'm feeling scared and hopeless this Christmas. A lot of promises broken and things delayed and I feel like it's getting worse. I'm tired of lies and living. I feel like it's my fault and I'm just sad.
@Shae160330 sorry you feel that way. I feel same. This Xmas I feel more emotional and sad where as I don't seem like it or act like it but I do. I like Xmas and wanna celebrate it but think this year has changed alot with growing up and having bf. Think that's why. Big changes but then I feel things are still same in me. Everything around me and I'm nerves for new year but looking forward to that more
@Shae160330 it's not your fault. You didn't know you gonna have what you gone through. No one's life's perfect. I want you to try think of the things what arnt and realise that. Imperfections what makes it more worth it
Hi there @Shae160330, I am really sorry to hear you are feeling scared and hopeless. It is always very difficult and hurtful when people break their promises and when they lie to us, and sometimes the pain we are in leads us to think that it is our fault if all this happened. But how could it be? We cannot control others' behaviour... Whatever they did, it is on them... I know this will not make your pain go away, but I hope it can still give you a little relief <3
@admaiorasemper
I feel depressed and a little mad. I used to be so happy. A few years ago I would be too excited to sleep tonight. I know that the excitement of Christmas fades away as you grow older, but it feels like tomorrow is just going to be another pointless day filled with depression. Every day feels the same and I'm so tired of it.
Hi there @PurpleSnail, how are you feeling today? I hope some of the excitement you used to feel has come back...
Unfortunately, depression has the power of making us feeling sort of empty... You mention that every day feels the same to you, and this a very challenging and difficult feeling. I wonder if we could perhaps try and challenge the negative thought that is fuelling this sense? Can you think of even small things that still bring you some joy? Things that you did and that were fun? I think not long ago you mentioned going to a concert: can you think of anything else?
We are here for you <3
I'm feeling sad and depressed. I already cried earlier today.
It's my birthday today. What should make me happy is only making me drown in sorrow. I miss my girlfriend so much. The only place I wanna be is in her arms right now. We're long distance and, I've told her I'm all in and that she has my heart. You guys, I have never said that to anyone before. I just like her so much.
I told her about my depression and the cutting early on. I wanted her to know about it as soon as possible so there wouldn't be this huge thing between us. I always wanna be honest with her and that's something about myself I never want to hide from her. She responded well to what I told her.
As a present to myself, I've started saving up to go see her. Before 2020 is over, I'm gonna go get my girl and kiss her cute face and spend time with her. I'm gonna break the distance 🖤💞🖤
"Distance means so little when someone means so much"
Hi there @BrokenAngelxx
Thank you for sharing such personal feelings and thoughts with us. I am sorry I am a bit late, but I still want to wish you a happy Birthday. I really get how sad it can be to spend such a day far from those we love the most... I am very proud of you for being able to share with your girlfriend both your emotions and struggles too. I can feel your love for her through all your words, and it felt nourishing for me as well you know? You are very right when you say that distance means so little when someone means so much to us. Such beatiful words.
@admaiorasemper
Thank you.
Update: talked to babe this morning about the argument my sister and I had and she suggested that if my sister feels so strongly about me going alone to see her that she could come with me. She understands that my sister doesn't want anything dangerous to happen to me. I'm gonna see if she wants to come with me, but tbh I want babe all to myself. I just wanna be with her.
So I'm starting to do my budget now for the Philippines trip. I wanna see babe sometime in 2020 but if my sister comes along, I'll have to pay her plane fare too, not sure why since she works as well, but I digress.
@BrokenAngelxx
Your girlfriend seems very understanding. I hope with time things will get easier with your sister. I wonder if perhaps having them talking to each other from time to time may help?
@admaiorasemper
That sounds like an awesome idea. The only thing is the time difference. She's 13 hours ahead. I'll try to have my sister talk with her from time to time otherwise I'd probably just pay extra for her fare as well.
@admaiorasemper
I feel like i wasted this day, i am disappointed by this Christmas.. And i'm afraid that Christmas will never be the same as when i was a child again
@AutumnLeaf123
I feel the same way. Something is just different about it now. It's like the magic of Christmas is gone. We didn't even get any snow, which is so disappointing. I'm glad the holiday will be over in a few hours though. I already did my budget for the new year so I'm gonna have a lil something to look forward to.
Hi there @AutumnLeaf123
I am sorry it took me some time to get back to you...
I get your disappointment very well. And it is true that by growing up, Christmas does feel different compared to when we were children... Change is scary... but I do believe we can find a way, a different way, to still experience Christmas as special. Or perhaps, for some of us, to make it special for the very first time.
I do not know if these words will bring you some comfort. Regardless, I am here for you should you wish to share some more of what is going on for you <3
