Self-Harm Recovery Daily Check In: Friday February 22nd, 2019
Heya everyone!
Its almost the weekend! I hope the week went well for you guys so far :)
I wanted us to remind ourselves that sometimes we get overwhelmed and it feels like its too much to handle, but we made it through all of our bad times until now, we can get through anything! Step by step, we can go really far. Youre all so amazing and strong, never forget it!
💚 How is/was your day? 💚
💚 Is there something youve been struggling with lately? 💚
💚 What is one thing youre proud of? (or more, but at least one!) 💚
Thanks for checking in, have a lovely day!
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Well, I guess I'll be first. I'm not sure if this is the best place to put this sort of note ... but I'm not sure where it should go instead.
TW: Suicide
I'm not sure if it was 'today' (22nd) but I do know it was the week after Valentine's Day so that would be this week sometime. It was a long time ago, but sometimes the memories from then jump right back into the front of my mind. (Reminding me of "Inside Out" Disney/Pixar movie - very good!) That part - the remembering of that time - I was thinking about quite a bit last week, but I didn't ever talk with anyone about it. I sort of mentioned it in passing to my counselor - but she is new to me still so she doesn't yet know which comments or side comments are me actually saying "HELP!" or "Hey, I need to talk about this."
Yeah, so when I was a senior in high school (grade 12), I faced a big?medium? battle with depression starting in the fall sometime. Once we all got to February, I had considered and trashed several ideas of how to commit suicide. I think it was a Tuesday in February that I was closer than I'd ever been to actually attempting one of these methods/plans. I even left home which was simply the first step.
This is harder to write about than I'd thought it would be ... but I have not thought about this time of my life and the details of that day/night for a long time.
Any Listeners okay with talking about this subject?? I'd like to talk w you (I think) ... I would I just don't know. Sometimes it is really hard to think about. Thank you for reading, whoever got this far :) Platy
P.S. Mods or SH Recovery leaders, feel free to move this post to a better or more appropriate spot, as needed.
@cyanPlatypus6370
Hi Platy, sorry for my delay, I wanted to take my time to word this answer right !
Im sorry to hear these memories jumped back to you (although I totally agree that Inside Out is a really cool movie!). Remembering past hard times, especially the ones we kinda keep hidden and are not used to talk about, thats really never pleasant and I know it can disturb us a lot, especially when it comes to that sort of thoughts…
First of all, I want to say Im really glad that you got through this time of your life <3 And if youd like to talk further about it, feel free to reach out okay? I cant say I know exactly how it makes you feel but I can relate and Ill be happy to take time with you to get it out of your chest.
Also, about your counselor, I hope she quickly gets to the point of understanding the meaning of your side comments, if you think it can help and when you feel ready for it, dont hesitate to mention it more clearly to her <3
I hope you have a good day, and again, dont hesitate to message me (or anyone else!) to talk further about this, take care!
Hey there @LinearWaves !! How are you??
I'm doing great!! I'm doing a musical this week and I'm in the orchestra pit doing drums. there's a really cute trombonist right in front of me and she and some friends and I went out to lunch together earlier this afternoon. She's so goofy and I can't wait to see her again for this evening's show!!
One thing I've been struggling with right now is self care in general. I've been so caught up in this musical that I haven't eating or sleeping much. I think I will take a nap before I have to go again once I'm done typing this out.
I should probably go to sleep. Take care!!
@CentreMid
Heya! I hope you managed to get some sleep before the musical! And that it went well :) It
Hi @LinearWaves !!
I did get a small power-nap afterwards, was still kinda groggy at the beginning of the show but I got through it. Tonights the last show :( but Im gonna give it my all as usual!!
Youre right, maybe Ill bring some hot chocolate or something with me this evening.
As for my crush, unfortubately, I might not see her again for a while. Were both terribly busy and I hear shes thinking about doing engineering which is on the other side of my uni campus from where I usually am. I do have her on insta though, so hope is not completely lost. I think Ill wait to talk to her after the show, I dont want to smother her.
Anyways, thats enough of me for now. Take care!!
@CentreMid
I hope the last show went well! And yeah, I hope you can keep in touch with your crush somehow, even if the show ended :)
@CentreMid, Hi! I hear you on the like no sleep, and 'did I get any supper?' and such when in theater! Especially in production week leading up to opening night and such! What show are you doing?! I'll come see you, k? :) I play percussion too, but I've not ever been in the pit orchestra (as a musician, that is). I much prefer being ON stage or in the tech crew. (Plus - shhhhh - I'm not sure if my theater family knows that I play percussion! 
) Do please let me know what show you are doing 
Have a super run of the show!!!! Break legs! (yeah okay so I know you're not in the cast, but orchestra is awfully important too!) Your fellow musician and thespian! ~ Platy
Tag - cuz this post is fun: @Kate @Anomalia @Laura @Moj - HI I haven't seen you around for long time! Hi Moj :) @korsbarella - miss you also!!! @KindDay4067 - SFO and I say hi :)
Hey there @cyanPlatypus6370 !!
Thanks!!
Were doing Mary Poppins. Fun fact: My sister has the role of Mary!! Im so proud of her!! She got the role because of her fantastic acting skills and also because shes the only one in the school who can hit the high notes in some of the songs.
Thats so cool that you play percussion too!! Are you more of a snare/bass drum/kit kind of person or more of an auxiliary (mallets/glock/fun little gadgets) person??
Anyways, tonight is the last show. Hopefully I will be able to sleep tonight.
Take care!! :)
Hah, um, I'm a bit late, but can I still respond? If not, then, uh, sorry?
How is/was your day?
Nice. Not perfect, not horrible. I slept in today (perks of online school), but didn't get all of my schoolwork done today. I'm essentially waiting patiently until it really sinks in that I have overdue projects, and then I'll flip out. Anyway, school is not my highest priority at the moment, so I'll talk about theatre for a bit.
I've recently started preforming at a new theatre with new people, which is nerve-wracking. Luckily, there is a girl my age who I get along with, and even sings the same section as me in the ensemble! On top of that, the costumer is amazing-- She's made it clear that if we don't feel comfortable with what costumes she gave us, she can change it. So, if she gives me something short-sleeved, she can change it out for long-sleeves (scars are really inconvenient) and she won't get upset about it! Ultimately, I'm pleased with how the day went, and see no reason to classify it as a bad day.
Is there something youve been struggling with lately?
Well, I've realized that, despite the good things happening in life, I don't have much in terms of proper emotional outlets, which probably factored into my relapse four days ago. In the past, it felt like for the majority of the time that self-harm was something I had under control; if I wanted to stop, I could stop easily.
Well, I proved myself wrong.
I stopped easily enough, but I kept wanting to. Every time I picked up scissors, it was the first thing that came to mind. I guess all the thoughts and stress built up over the month I was clean, gradually overwhelming me until I relapsed during a particularly bad day.
Anyway, as of today, I am four days clean, and I hope to stay clean at least until my birthday.
What is one thing youre proud of? (or more, but at least one!)
Y'know, for a remarkably depressing person, I'm actually quite aware and proud of my skills and talents. I'm very proud of my ability to paint, in particular; painting a galaxy is definitely my preferred method of relaxation, and I'm quite good at it. I've always been pretty good at color theory, and I've learned the proper brush techniques from tutorials. It's like Okami, but minus the glowy bugs and divine wolves.
Anyway, that's essentially my past few days. Some wonderful theatre folk, a relapse, painting, and video games. That just about sums it up.
@Cactus198
You totally can respond, its never too late :p
Its nice that you had a not perfect but not horrible day, always good to take! As for theatre, I can imagine that starting somewhere new, with new people must take a bit of time to adjust, Im glad though to hear that there is a girl with whom you get along with and that you will be able to have a costume in which you will feel comfortable thanks to the costumer!
Im sorry to hear you relapsed a few days ago, and that you realized it was more of a struggle than you thought, but hey, 4 days so far is amazing and Im all heart with you! If you need any help thinking about coping skills or alternatives you can turn to when you feel overwhelmed, dont hesitate!
Wow, these galaxies must look amazing! Ive seen many videos of them and it always looked relaxing so I can imagine being the one painting them must be really super relaxing as well!
Take care of yourself, I hope next week will only be made of wonderful theatre folk, painting, and video games (and other cool stuff!), thanks for checking in!