Self-Harm Recovery Daily Check In: Sunday, February 3rd, 2019
Yay! I have really been looking forward to hear from all of you again. 
I think this is one of my favourite pictures :P
How are you feeling today? :)
How has this week been for you? :)
I usually aks here about self-care, but I am just curious now, do you have anything on your mind you would like to share? :)
I mean, I often has those thoughts and feelings that I am just not sure when or where to share or if it would be just off topic. I mean, now and just in general as well, feel free to share them, I would be glad to listen
*boops* @1Disawsum @23Lotus @Accentus @AdamantlyFree @addierus @Akor1 @allnaturalBerry @amandaa6360 @anabellamia1189 @anasierra @Antisocial5864 @Aphrodite11 @ArriaAna @asheroo92 @AThingCalledPax @AugustaGeorgia @AuroraBorealis12 @Autismaunt14 @awesumturtlesz @Ayeeitsnotme @babybatman @badoinkitydoop @BandBeed100201 @bear228 @beniba08 @BipolarGrrl @black1995 @Blackk1tten @BlamingParadox @blissedNblessed @Bloom97 @breezy @bribri20 @Brokentopieces356 @bubblzdancr @BunnieLuv @butterflyPessimist @CaringBrit @CaringWater @Catlover456 @caylaig6295 @Centremid @Charly @Charmingbeauty55 @Chels2002 @chillingwave01 @CinematicEnd @ClassicAnonymous17 @cocoafp191 @compassionaterainbow1479 @CoNfIdEnCe1 @ConsiderateSea95 @CoolCuke @Dachs @Daenerys03 @Dany @delicateWindow53 @DiscreetBeach2458 @discreetowl14 @discreetSkies9236 @Discretegrapes8490 @dispost @Drummermattrocks @DyingPetals @dynamicHemlock1736 @easyMap6620 @ElephantTiger1 @elle1508 @energeticApricot2459 @epitium @Erato @EvilRegalsReadToo @FallenStar2 @farahadell @FeathersOfJay @FindingPeaceWithin1 @FloweringBunny @fluffystuff @FranklyMaple @fullm00n @funfettifrosting @Funfettifrostingi @funnybanana4728 @Godsbae @goldenSummer1903 @GoneLikeAnAngel @Greg40 @HannahO11 @HelpfulAid @HeyItsMish @HiddenShadows @Hope2come @humorousBeing8966 @HunHansGirl @IfKpopWasPunk @Imaginativa2930 @imsorryitry @Independenttangerine @IndigoRoses @InspiringLee @intellectualHuman6814 @Itinerarium @Iwannaliveanddream @Jamie14 @Jashboi226 @Jennaray536 @Jennifer164 @JohnCephas @juddskittycat @JustThatAlien @KaidinJ @KayaBearz @kgyt0918 @Krispykitty12 @Lasagna1 @Leanna @LinearWaves @listenermegs @LittlebluP @liztheloser123 @LoveYaGod @LycheeBoba @Maddheda @MandaGPanda @marala11 @Marissa1031 @mayaaaaaaa @Maypanic11 @minitigriss @Miraculousiris31 @Misfitzombie012 @MissGoodby99 @modestCat9806 @Moosewithducks @mytwistedsoul @naturalWillow84 @NevaehRose @neverendingwaves @notanange @NotQuiteBlue @novareckenstein153 @otto123 @pastellexoxo @paytonfaye2003 @Penguin5921 @peoplej1997 @pinkThinker6194 @plushOasis77 @politeHouse5612 @porter2927 @pumpkinpi @purpleButterfly24 @QueerChristianTeen @quietman4875 @QuirkyAnne @RabbitTangerine @rainysierra27 @RALC20589 @raspberryMoon5394 @rationalComputer3503 @RAWR3 @ReallyNotOkay @rebecca947 @Redhawk6547 @Reesespeauntbuttercup @rexpeter99 @rlpsgf @Roseutopia @Sadgirlforever @sailorelix @SaintClrStudent @Saskianite @selfconfidenceTangerine1778 @Sewmachine @sewmachine @shymelody @Silentguitarist @sillyavocado @SimpleMe12 @SisterRaven @Skafa1214 @Skyy0 @Snowangels48 @softlysolitude @soniatel @SpaceyCasey @StrangeClarity @strawberrmilk @Survivor108 @TeresaGreninja91 @Thegirlwithabrokensmile @TherealJake @Tommy38 @Totallovatic @TransWolf @Truth22 @turquoisePine1459 @twentyonepilotsclique @Twitch98 @Twotonnetable @VividDreamer @WhiteWolfIdiot @Winterisnotmyseason @WonderfulHart1330 @Xirin @XwonderlandgirlX @Yovela @Zammn
>Please click here to be added or removed from the taglist<
I love the HALT! Such a great reminder! Thanks for posting that!
How are you feeling today? :) I am doing good today. Hahahha, it is morning for me, but I like to check in early in the day because it sets my mood and intention for the day. So, I sit here at my laptop with my coffee and ponder the Q: How am I feeling. Holy crap, honestly, I am feeling: good.
How has this week been for you? :) The weeks was up and down. Down was situational because I am from the midwest in the states that was in the deep freeze. So, house bound for 3 days ...I HATE not being able to go out so I was really irritable :P But then it warmed up and I walked out the door with arms spread open, sun on face and the choir of angels in the background - lol.
I did go through some chaos with my old job. Was told last month I would be working back up this month ( I could not at all last month because of really bad pnemonia). Then I find out not only am i not on the payroll for this month per promised, but she had the audacity to say: its best to have you work week to weeks on one time jobs instead of long term....is that supposed to be retaliation for the pnemonia? lol. omg. And i was awarded for excellent service at a ceremony there - 2 freaking tiimes.
I was super anger for a second - then it hit me :
I DONT LIKE THAT JOB/CAREER FIELD. LOL.
THIS IS JUST A RE-ROUTING OF MY CAREER PATH INTO SOMETHING THAT IS HAPY, FUN AND JOUYOUS FOR ME.
RE-ROUTING. I LIKE THAT.
So, im trying to expand my awarness to other things i had not thought of or opps i had not explored for a job. I refuse to waste any more time doing a job i d not like nor am i appreciated.
I usually aks here about self-care, but I am just curious now, do you have anything on your mind you would like to share? :)
oooh self car, thats a topic thats perfect for today because I had to stop last night and just have an evening of self care due to some drama and i did not want that energy on me nor be depleaded. And this self care, yup, its extending to today as well.
In fact, I do self care every day and its helping me be more loving to myself, more aware of my needs and emotions, more free to be myself and express myself without a criticaql vou=ice in my head judging or projecting my judgments of myself onto others! ( Since I have nothing else I need to share , i'lll answer about the self care - which has been very important to me latley.
Self care that I practice:
I used to think self care was only things like, spa like treaments and good music and meditation and getting sleep and eating right...but I have recently Really expanded what I call self care and it has made such a difference!
if i feel overly exerted, i set boundaries and do what i can do without becoming depleated.
i set boundaries all the time - to keep myself safe, to keep respect of myself and to not let others take advantage of me.
I call self care being authetic to me - expressing my true self, reguardless of what others want me to be or live up to or like or dislike.
self care to me is also listening to inspiring music - bc it changes my mood so much for the better.
being aware of my needs - thats self care too....and so is meeting those needs and if i cant, forming a plan on how i will.
self care is so much more than i originally though :)
so thanks for having me here in this community, thanks for the opportunity to check in, thanks for the support and being here. Thanks for this awesome group of people on the recovery warrior path!
and oh, STILL SH FREE!
<3
Hey there @blissedNblessed *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really awesome to hear from you around here!
I know, the whole message of 'HALT' is really a great reminder aaand I just love cute things and that dog is just cute :P
I am glad to hear that you are doing good today and you are feeling good. I think I have read it somewhere as well that the start of your day can really have a big effect on how you approach the rest of it so it is definitely a good thing to start it like this! :)
Oh, yep... I am actually now working/training at work with a person from the midwest as well and we have been talking about just how crazy the weather was but I am really happy to hear that it is getting better around there finally and that you are able to get outside and get some fresh air after that 3 days :)
It sounds frustrating that your old workplace handles you like that. I mean, on one hand, I can understand that it may have caused some inconveniencies for them that you have not been able to work because of that pneumonia but still, I feel like, they are not really handling it well. It definitely sounds like kind of a pity way to try to take "revenge" for something that way not even your fault especially given that previously you have really been a valuable and great employee to them.
I can imagine that it had to really be infurating for you. I do remember that you have mentioned that this is not really a field that you have enjoyed and that you are planning to work for improving yourself and to get to a better field and just get a better job overall and I can imagine this had to be a big push as well to do that and concentrate even more on that.
Of course, I know it can still quite some time, but it is important that you have made the decision and I do hope you will be able to find something that you do enjoy soon as, in reality, work is just such a big part of our lives that it is important to have one that we enjoy - or at least do not hate anyway. ^-^
It is definitely really important to recognize and just remove yourself from toxic environments field with drama like that and I am glad to hear that you have been able to do so yesterday :)
Self-care is often overlooked but, indeed, really important. Of course at times it can be really hard to make some time for yourself or to just see that you are worth all that self-care but I am really happy to hear that you do practicing self-care and it helps you like that lately to be more positive about yourself and just love yourself more. :)
I guess the thing about just having that free prompt there if it is self-care that you have on your mind it is totally fine to share that as well. I mean, really, either way I am always gald to hear from you and just listen :)
It is easy to overlook littlethings sometimes but just making small changes to the way you act or think in certain situations can really have huge effects in the long run without any of those big things you have listed even - although, going to the spa and meditation is really nice to do every once in a while as well :P
Setting boundaries and keeping to them is really important to make sure that you do not push yourself too hard and do not let others push yourself too hard either for sure :)
Having a way to just be yourself and express yourself it also very useful. Usually we all were a bunch of masks and hide our true selves but if you just allow yourself to be you and accepting it it can be truely relieving from all that stress you have built up wearing all those masks :)
Besides boundaries keeping your needs in mind and setting goals for yourself to improve and match those needs is also a really good way to just keep on improving and just feeling better and better :)
Thank you for being part of this community as well and just sharing here with us all these really amazing insights as well as thank you very much for trusting us, it is really valued.
Also, yay for being SH Free still, I am really proud of you. I know you have been through some real tough times but you are doing a really amazing job and being really strong :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark Hey How are you?
I'm doing ok, the usual I guess. Nervous and can't sleep.
Been an up and down week. I made an appointment with a therapist (there's the nervous part) and I'm trying not to talk myself out of going. Maybe it's best to just leave it alone.
I have alot of worries with this appointment. I asked a bunch of questions but idk, it's hard to explain but I can't help thinking what if they're lying. MY main fear is getting commited. Been there before. Do not want to do it again. There's just a whole lot of what if's, if I say the wrong thing, or act the wrong way. JUst scared I guess.
Have a good rest of the weekend, take care.
Hey there @mytwistedsoul *offering hugs* (I know you do not like them so it's okay if you do not want it but still want to leave the opportunity open for you ^-^)
It is always really nice to see you around here!
I am....well, more tired than anything I guess. Nothing too bad tho, just new position at work with some new stress I have to learn to handle and also I have a new therapist now...so, yep...long week there :P
I am sorry to hear that you are not able to sleep tho, I know it can be really frustrating. For me it actually helped to, well, "journal" before going to bed. I mean, generally it was just writing out a bunch of worries so they would not be in my head before going to bed, but, still, it is kind of journaling :)
Oh...now, this is something I can relate to. I mean, at least the new therapist part. I know it is hard and can even be scary but just give it a chance. What has helped me and what I was telling to myself is that I will just go and check it out for the first time and I can always decide to just leave it at that if I want it is not working after the first appointment. :)
Commitment is scary, especially with previous bad experiences. I think you could share this with your new therapist tho and help her to help you better. For example with my current therapist we do not have a set schedule but he asks me at the end of every time we talk if I would like to come next week and which time if so and it just helps me because I feel like I am always in control compared to when I have had a fixed schedule with my previous therapist. I mean, it is just an idea tho, but I am sure that your therapist would be willing to work with you to find the most comfortable environment for you to work in as well :)
Stay strong and awesome!
@redmark Thank you, congratulations on the new postion at work. That's cool.I Imagine it would be stressful though.
I'm not sure if journaling would help.. bad dreams sometimes. I might have to try it anyway.
Give it a try, yeah? I can decide not to go back, if, that's what I want?
It was nice talking with you, thanks. Take care
Heya @redmark !! How's it going??
I'm all over the place today. I had a masterclass today (a piano performance evalutaion) BUT I had to play in front of my crush. I wasn't doing the best emotionally and having to play in front of her was really nerve-wracking. I loved hearing her play though (she performed first), she's super amazing at what she does!! I remember a few check-ins ago, you asked for music recommendations and I suggested Chopin's Polonaise in A flat. That's what she played!!
My week has been mostly down. I had a few emotional episodes, and I'm back to square one, which is okay but is still frustrating. I'm back to being 2 days clean, and I'm aiming for another week.
I want to sleep but I have an assignment due on Tuesday that needs to get done. I think I'll aim to get at least all of the questions completed, regardless of whether or not my answers are correct. I'd rather fill in every question incorrectly and get partial marks than to get everything right but only fill in like 2 questions. Doing all of it seems really daunting right now.
I need to find a new job. My parents won't let me quit my current one until I find one that equal or better pay. I understand where they're coming from and agree with them to that extent but I really want out. I'm in fast food right now and anything, even retail would be better at this point.
I suppose I should work on my assignment now haha. Take care!!
Hey there @CentreMid *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is always really nice to hear from you around here!
I am....well, a bit tired but overall okay I guess :)
Oh, I have stagefreight so I can imagine it had to be hard to play in front of people and especially in front of your crush. On the other hand tho, it just sounds really awesome that you have got to hear and see her play something that is already so close to your heart. I mean, I know that artists can really get involved while doing their art and it is always just amazing to watch and I am really happy to hear that you have enoyed it as well.
I am sorry to hear that you have had such a hard week tho. Relapse is just a part of recovery, although, a really annoying and disheartening part, but I think the fact that you are still here and aiming for a one week streak shows that you are really trying your best and I am really proud of you for being so strong and brave. :)
Aww, I am sorry to hear that you are having so much work ahead of you still. I know it can really feel overwhelming just looking at an assigment like that but just try to focuse on one question at a time and work on that and after that move on to the next one. I mean, I know it is dounting but I know that you will be able to get to the end of it only that it can really make it feel overwhelming when you are focusing on too much at the same time :)
I have never worked in a fast food restaruant. I mean, I have grown up in a rather small city without any of those around here so I have been doing some student work in a supermarket we have here and I think I am glad. I am working in the capital now and I every once in a while get into one of those fast food restaurants and those places are just crazy so I do hope you will be able to find something better soon for yourself!
Stay awesome!
today i've been feeling a little queasy. I came down with a bad cold and am feeling somewhat okay but i'm trying to keep hydrated so i don't faint.
this week went by quick, as i only had to work 2 days because of the horrible weather
there is so much i want to share: i've been relapsing on and off, since october. I've been feeling very depressed and self isolating. I'm not really sure what to say anymore. I'm scared to talk to a therapist about any of this because i don't wanna be forced on meds like i was the last time. I want someone to understand and really takee the time to listen to me. I've been away from 7cups because i'd been feeling so depressed but it helps talking to people here because yall understand, you know? Valentines day is coming up, too and while i'm indifferent about the holiday, i don't feel loved or wanted and i wish i had a friend to talk to, but i don't have anyone. I feel disposable and i'm very anxious about going to work tomorrow knowing how i really feel inside. I'm still looking for a new job, and the thought is making me a little uneasy as i'm fearful of once again being a victim of workplace bullying.
Hey there @BrokenAngelxx *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is so awesome to hear from you here again!
I am sorry to hear that you have to deal with that annoying old tho, I do hope you will get better soon and for now just try to focus on getting enough rest and stay hydrated :)
I have heard about the crazy weather in the midwest but as I am heard it has got much better so let's hope it will stay that way now :)
It is really awesome to have you back here, although I am sorry to hear that you are struggling like that. I mean, I am glad to hear that you do feel like this place is helpful for you and I do hope that we will be able to help you a bit now as well. I mean, if there is anything we may be able to help you with we are always here for you :)
Generally I would suggest to reach out to your therapist as well if it is really showing in your life quality but I can understand that it can be stressful and those meds can have some pretty bad side effects although, I have heard for some, that after some time, after they were able to work out the right meds and the right dosage with their therapist some found it very helpful - although, no pressure on you, of course :)
Also, I do hope you will be able to find a new work place soon as well as I know this is an on-going issue for a while for you now. Do you have anything on your radar? What would be your goal?
Also, I know this is not the same but I really mean that you can always come here and we are glad to see you. I know that depression and anxieties an be really good at isolating you from others, making you believe that you are worth less or you would be just a burden but I want you to know that it is not true and here, we all are here for you and together we can get through this. I believe in it anyway and I do believe in you!
Stay strong and awesome!
Hi red
I have been struggling recently, I fell back into regular self harm but now I am 6 days free.
I've been nervous about posting because I don't want to burden anyone. I feel like I can't say to anyone what is going on inside because people will worry.
I have been trying to do more self care, today I painted my nails :)
How are you?
Love and hugs
yay! @FloweringBunny *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is so awesome to hear from you here once again!
I have missed you, you know! :)
I mean, not that it is a problem, I do understand that we all need a break from some time, especially when you are feeling down but I am just glad to have you here now. Also, yay, I am really proud of you for already being at 6 days now! ^-^
You are not a burden and....yes....we will worry, a bit, but it is not a bad thing you know. We do care about you and, yes, you do deserve that and just by posting these here, even though I might be a little bit worried now, you have already made my day better just by coming here and saying hi and sharing a bit :)
I am glad to hear that you are working on self-care as well....what color are your nails? :)
I am tired a bit, thank you for asking. I mean, I have this promotion at work which needs a loooot of training from me and it is actually somewhat draining but it is okay and still good overall I think :)
Stay strong and awesome!
@redmark *hugs* I missed you too
My nails are pastel lilac :)
Congratulations on your promotion! Try not to overwork yourself, look after yourself x
@FloweringBunny Oh....pastel lilac sounds awesome! I love pastel lilac and pink colours - too bad that they won't work here with this white background so I have settled with this lavender, but still :P
@redmark Hi! I just joined and I've never used a web forum or anything before, i'm a little nervous and unsure how to do this
How are you feeling today? :) I'm okay. I relapsed today for the first time in a really long time. I'm not sure what's going on. I was feeling really fine, and then i just got so sad and stupid things sent me off. It' s been happening for a few months since I started therapy almost like clockwork and it's just weird because it comes in so hard and leaves so fast like it never happened.
How has this week been for you? :) Pretty okay! I've been feeling really lonely the past two days but trying to keep busy.
I usually aks here about self-care, but I am just curious now, do you have anything on your mind you would like to share? :)
this is just super new i'm hopeful this will help or just give me someone to keep myself in check.
Hey there @lavenderApricot2695 *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
Welcome here! We are really glad to have you here with us!
Oww, I am sorry to hear about the relapse, I know it can be frustrating but it is usually part of the recovery and I am really proud of you for doing such a good job at it and making it for such long clean streaks. Maybe it would be worth to talk about this with your therapist if there really is a system or schedule to it like clockwork. There can be some pretty subtle and strange triggers that may be causing unproportionate effects and maybe you would be able to find it or them with your therapist :)
I am glad to hear that you have had a good week and I think reaching out here is a really good step of trying to fight that loneliness and I do really hope you will find this place helpful. I mean, if there is anything we may be able to help you with we are here for you anytime :)
If you ask me reaching out here for help and just venting a bit is a good way of self-care as well as I am really proud of you as I know it had to be strange and scary even to come here but it is really amazing to have you here with us :)
Stay awesome!
@redmark hi there! Thank you so much for responding, it honestly made my evening just before bed knowing that someone was listening and just supportive and caring without judgment .
I needed that encouragement and positivity and comfort tonight so thank you so much! Im seeing my therapist Wednesday and going to talk to her about the timelines and figure out triggers. Mediciation has come up a lot wih her recently and Im just a little hesitant because of the unknowns but we will see!
Either way i just wanted to say thank you.
Sorry in advance, but I just need to get stuff off my chest. I am feeling awful. No matter what I do, I can't escape my destructive cycle. Sometimes I can't feel anything at all and other times I feel everything crash down at once. Words can't describe how frustrated I am that I can't cry about it either, even when I feel it all. Makes me want to scream. The only thing grounding me and making me feel like I can put a face on for the world for another day is to take it out on myself. There's no boundary or respect left for myself. It all feels so repetitve and ultimately pointless.
At one point, not too long ago, I had people I was open with. My family and friends were amazing. But coming out and telling them things seems to have only put them on edge and cause more hurt. Nothing hurt more than when yesterday my brother, the only soul I trusted with so much darkness, I mention to him about responsibility and initiative and it ended with, "Well at least I'm not setting the example of being depressed." Felt like I got stabbed. It hurt so bad to hear the only one who said nothing could make him look at me different say something like that. Of course, it's not like I could show it at the time because all my younger siblings were there.
It breaks my heart knowing all the progress I have done is gone. I'm back at square one. Pretending I'm a good advice giving friend, a near perfect student, a faithful Christian, a very much recovered cutter, an improved daughter, an example of achievement for extended family members, no longer in need of meds, a not-so-depressed sister, and the potential to get a great guy in the near future.
Course, none of that bs is true. It's no wonder I can't go to or get out of bed. I just wish it would all go away.
Hey there @DyingPetals *hugs* (if you are okay with it)
It is really nice to hear from you around here!
You do not have to be sorry for anything, these threads are here to share how you are feeling and I am glad you have done so! :)
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling like that tho. I know that feeling of not having the outlet of crying for your feelings can be hard and I am really sorry to hear that you are not able to do so either. I mean, I know it is hard when all those emotions hit you but have you thought about trying to write them out? That is my usual first idea anyways beccause it has helped me to stay a bit top of my feelings. Also, it may be also worth to have some other distractions. I do, for example, talk through things with my teddy bear, as stupid as it sounds. It's kind of a way for me to give a body to that otherwise really quite positive voice in my head and just project it to the teddy bear to hear and listen to that as well if I can. Just in general as well, teddy bears can be useful to have :)
I think it is a problem tho that mental health is still not getting enough attention and often is misrepresented. I have met so many people as well who had a really ignorant or just wrong concept of how hard and strong some feelings and thoughs can be to deal with although, I believe it was not always meant to be hurtful but they were really just not understanding it. Also, it can be hard on those as well who are trying to help and I guess we all are humans and sometimes we are having a bad day and may say things that we do not mean. Have you tried to bring it up with your brother? - or, do you think it would be worth it?
I mean, probably it was just something that he does not really meant, of course, I was not there, so there is no pressure on you to chase that but it is just an idea.
It is usual that relapses are part of the recovery. If you ask me, you can always ask for help. I know it is kind of frowned upon by some people but, honestly, I were there and it is really hard to ask for help and I do believe that it is actually really shows strength and bravery to do so. Of course, you do not have to necessarily ask it from your family but, if you visit Church, maybe you can ask there, maybe in school - if you are still at school- and, of course, we would be always glad to have you here with us and help as best as we can anytime :)
These are just ideas, what I have said above, so there is absolutely no pressure to do any of that but I just want you to know that I do not think you are a let down or anything like that. I can tell that you have been through a lot and you are still here and now reaching out to us after such bad experiences and I think it definitely shows how strong and brave you are, and I am really glad that you have shared all this with us and I am proud of you! :)
I do hope to hear from you later on in the future anyway! :)
Stay strong and awesome!
