Self-Harm Recovery Daily Check-in: Thursday May 21, 2020
Hello, everyone! Welcome back to another checkin, and the second last week of May! Today, I'd like to focus on a skill that I call downward arrow thinking. We have a core belief, and everything that happens spirals from it. The aim of this skill is to find the core belief, which will enable us to change for the better. This is a therapeutic tool, and I find it incredibly hard to do by myself. But, it's an interesting topic.
How the skill works (very basically) is thinking of a negative thought and go deeper into why you think that. A simple example would be- "I think I'm ugly".. Why do you think you're ugly? "Because I'm fat." Why do you believe that? "People on magazines are so much prettier". Who defines beauty? "People said I'm uglier". Why do you believe what everyone says? Etc etc.
1) How are you? Is there anything you'd like to share?
2) What is a core belief you have that you'd like to change?
3) Have you tried this before, either alone or with a therapist/health professional? Woul dyou want to try it?
4) Icebreaker! What's a funny unique joke?
Take care everyone!
Tagging:
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@rebecca947 Hey How are you?
I'm never really sure how much I can share here tbh. I know you and I have talked before but -Idk. Had someone call the cops yesterday saying I was a danger to myself and/or others. It was anonymous - but there's ideas as to who it was. There were serious thoughts of SH but I've been clean for almost 6 months and I really don't want to let anyone down - allthough I know - relapses happen
I'd like to change the thinking that I'm worthless. I feel unworthy of asking people for help - unworthy of friendship - love - happiness. My life is my punishment for being me
This is something that the therapist is trying to help with. Some days I do actually feel alittle more worthy of these things - other days - I still don't. I worry I'm just wasting everyones time and effort
* what do cliffs and fish have in common?*
Thanks for the checkin - take care
@mytwistedsoul
Hey, Soul! Oh no, I hope youre alright. How do you feel about the police coming and someone telling them? You can do this- youve done hard things before ❤️
I know this might not change or make much of a difference, but know that you are worthy of your existence here. Everyone is. And everyone is worthy of seeking for help- and Im glad you are despite the thoughts. Keep going, keep pushing through. Im so glad you have a therapist and theyre helping you with it ❤️
Uhhh... scales? An eye (I)? No clue lol
Take care of yourself too xx
@rebecca947
1) How are you? Is there anything you'd like to share?
I'm currently doing alright. But I've been struggling since Sunday. More negative thoughts, feeling like a worthless pile of shit
2) What is a core belief you have that you'd like to change?
That I'm worthless and just a burden to people around me
3) Have you tried this before, either alone or with a therapist/health professional? Woul dyou want to try it?
I have been in therapy for about a year now, but my self image hasn't gotten much better
4) Icebreaker! What's a funny unique joke?
It's a joke from the anime Gintama: the words for toilet paper and God sound similar in Japanese. So when a character runs out of toilet paper, he basically says God(really toilet paper) has forsaken him. The melodrama of the situation is really funny to me
@Madaraismyspiritanimal
Hey, Madara! *hugs* how have you been handling them? Youve managed to push through all those thoughts to now- that is amazing progress. Find what usually helps when they come around and try them out again. I hope they disappear soon :/ in the meantime, have some hugs and smiles from me ❤️
We all have inherent worth simply because were alive. You are no different. And if it helps at all, youre not a burden to us here. Im glad youre in therapy! It sounds like thats the focus for you to be in therapy, so I hope it does improve soon. It can be really slow progress at times. Sometimes, we may need to guide the therapist to what we want to talk about more than wed like!!
LMAO that is really funny! I like that one aha take care xx
@rebecca947
Hey hey hey <3 hope you're doing well
1) How are you? Is there anything you'd like to share?
I'm doing good today! Been vibing the entire day and recently started listening to Ruel which I really enjoy!
2) What is a core belief you have that you'd like to change?
I'd like to believe that I'm smart.
3) Have you tried this before, either alone or with a therapist/health professional? Would you want to try it?
I actually think I have? I sort of have talked to her about my really bad imposter syndrome and how I feel like I don't deserve my success and I'm not smart. It might not make sense in words but it makes sense in my head hahah.
4) Icebreaker! What's a funny unique joke?
If you're feeling cold, you should stand near the corner of the room since it's always 90 degrees over there.
@TheAtticusFinch
Hey, Atticus! Thats amazing youre feeling good! :D its great that youve talked to your therapist about it and possibly done the activity before! And hey, its all that matters. You understand it and can get it out to your therapist. :)
I love that joke 😂 take care of yourself and I hope your day continues to be amazing!
Wow your example's calling me out lol
1) I'm alright
2) Core beliefs I want to change... internalized fatphobia that plays into my ED, the belief that no one wants to be around me (which prompted me to actually start doing things to ensure no one wanted to be around me as a way of taking my "power" back), that I'll never have friends, am undesirable, not meant for this life/was a mistake, etc.
3) Yeah my therapist and I have done this to some extent. Challenging those thoughts can be helpful but frustrating because I can easily debunk my own debunking. Sure it's irrational but my feelings and beliefs of society are powerful, you know? So for me it's hard to not fall into the trap. My therapist recommended to keep telling myself a different core belief than the one that is hurting me, I don't have to believe it straight away
@Lexloveslife
Hey, Lex! Who knows, maybe I somehow had you in mind when writing that ;) good to hear youre doing ok.
Im sorry you have so many :( I understand the thinking of controlling what we can control as a way to take our power back. To me, its a form of self-sabotage. Im so glad you and your therapist has done this before and are focusing on the core beliefs and changing them. Yes, you dont have to believe the new belief straight away. That is very true. As for easily debunking your own debunking, I feel you there 😂 feels like were going in circles sometimes. Its great you can acknowledge that its irrational and see it from a wise mind perspective. Keep going and working at it, you can do this! ❤️ take care xx
1) How are you? Is there anything you'd like to share?
Im doing alright ! Pretty tired but also really energised by being able to go back to work since the start of the week, even though its for short periods of time !
2) What is a core belief you have that you'd like to change?
Id like to change the fact Im feeling worthless, never good enough.
3) Have you tried this before, either alone or with a therapist/health professional? Would you want to try it?
Ive kinda tried it before, on other thoughts. It was more about questioning/challenging the thoughts and looking for concrete proofs of said thoughts though but in the end it was about the same result. I guess I could give it a try with this core belief!
4) Icebreaker! What's a funny unique joke?
Two smurfs are chatting, one asks are you alright? the other answers Im feeling blue – I had to adapt it from the French version!
Hope youre doing okay, take care! <3
@LinearWaves
Heya, Waves!! Ooh, how is work again? Its great that youre excited to go back! :o Those core beliefs are really painful to have, I imagine. I hope that one day they wont affect you, because you truly are an amazing and worthy help in the team! Im sure at work as well, just to make another example. Ahh, I think I know the activity you tried before :p it also didnt work out great for me! Dont know what it is about it that doesnt sit well in my mind. If you do decide to try downward arrow thinking, best of luck with it ❤️
Hahaha I love the Smurfs, and good work translating! Im relearning French again on Duolingo and wow I forgot everything-even the basics- after 5 years of not doing any French 😂 take care of yourself xx
@rebecca947
Work is sooo great ! Except the suffocating-in-the-mask part haha I dont know if you have to wear one too at work?
Thanks a lot for your kind words <3
Bonne chance with French, its quite a hard language! If you need any help or a chat Im here haha! Take care and thanks again for your answer!
@LinearWaves
LOL just remember it's for safety and you'll get through it :p I wore a mask when I travelled interstate at the very beginning of this whole thing, and it was an N95 mask. Crazy suffocating! But on the way back I was completely fine lol all my friends were still struggling 😂
As for work, nope, nobody wears one and I think if I did, customers wouldn't want to be anywhere near me (mask=sick in usual conditions). And I don't think the store would appreciate that unless everyone was wearing one 😛
Thanks for the offer! I may need a lot of your help xD
@rebecca947
I
@rebecca947
1) How are you? Is there anything you'd like to share?
I am doing fine. My alarm broke though so now I can't wake up early :/
2) What is a core belief you have that you'd like to change?
I don't think I have any
3) Have you tried this before, either alone or with a therapist/health professional? Would you want to try it?
N/A
4) Icebreaker! What's a funny unique joke?
What do runners eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!
@PurpleSnail
Hey, Snail! Oh wow, how did your alarm break? :o if its not your phone alarm, maybe use that instead? That is amazing you dont think you have any ❤️ (please can we swap lives 😂) LOL that runners joke! Love that one too, Ill probably steal that one if I can remember it. Take care xx
@rebecca947
1) How are you? Is there anything you'd like to share? Right now not good. Very sad as I just had one of my ratty boys pass away in my arms this morning 
I miss you already BB (my Bowl Boy). At least I got to love you for a year.
2) What is a core belief you have that you'd like to change? That I am not a good person.
3) Have you tried this before, either alone or with a therapist/health professional? Would you want to try it? I am currently trying to work through this with a counsellor.
4) Icebreaker! What's a funny unique joke? I don't really have one.
@wittyEyes6543
Hey, Eyes! *big hugs* Im really sorry for your loss ❤️ its so difficult having to go through it, no matter how many times its happened in the past. And if its the first one, itll be really difficult. I hope you have people comforting you while your mourn and grieve. It takes time to process and heal, and its never a linear pattern. RIP, Bowl Boy. ❤️
Good luck with the counsellor and working through the core belief! It takes quite a while sometimes since its so entrenched in our minds, but well get there. :)
Thats alright to have no joke, you can read some of the previous replies! I love them all. Take care of yourself xx
@rebecca947
Thank you so much for your condolences on BB. 
He is certainly not my first loss 
, but it doesn't make it easier. I have had to say goodbye to my childhood dog, Chum, and the cat my husband and I had bought when we were newlyweds, Blue, we had him for nearly 18 years, our first "baby", along with Precious and Stache our momma and daughter combo. My husband has been great about my meltdowns and our daughters keep texting or calling to make sure I'm okay (very weird having kids who have their own homes). I just keep thinking about BB's tiny brethren and hoping I will not have to say goodbye to them anytime soon (I adopted 2 other boys with him and took on 5 of my daughter's ratty boys when she moved and couldn't take them with her). However, when I think of them and the eventual end it gives me a big sad, but then I see their sweet faces and they do something cute to make me forget my pain.
I have enjoyed the jokes others shared, it helped to lighten the mood I have been in.
1) How are you? Is there anything you'd like to share?
Just fine. I'm only ever just fine. Get every credential or certificate you can as the opportunity appears.
2) What is a core belief you have that you'd like to change?
That I should be tortured to death. That I have to work to validate my excuse for existence. That I am a blight on humanity.
3) Have you tried this before, either alone or with a therapist/health professional? Would you want to try it?
Yes I have. I have never been to a professional. I think my freedom would be at risk if I were honest. And what would be the point if I wasn't honest? Never mind the expense, logistics or social stigma. I know my ip addres can be used against me but it is not quite the same.
4) Icebreaker! What's a funny unique joke?
What exactly is a serious mental illness? As oppose to those what? Carefree, happy go lucky ones?
@Flornhope
*hugs* one day soon, I hope you find the acceptance and freedom to feel the whole spectrum of emotions, and to label them as they are. It's freeing in a sense to not have to hold back. I hope you'll find the same sense one day.
As for credentials, that's a good suggestion. I've certainly taken that on board since the past few years. More so, I've taken every opportunity as they've come and it's led me to many cool places. How about you?
That's a good point you raise with your joke. "Serious" is pointless, a filler word.
Take care of yourself, Florn. We're all here for you. ❤️
@rebecca947 Thank you for the encouragement and interest. I have no cadentials at all. I started working and I changed rolls and learned as I went but never bothered to get any validation on paper. Now that I'm looking for work it is as if the last two decades never happened as far as anyone else is concerned. It is frustrating to put it mildly. Maybe some day I will expect myself or the affection of others and be able to articulate it. But I have made it this far so I guess I can make it the rest of the way without it. And the joke was something I found. It is somewhat sarcastic because every illness is serious and there are no happy ones.
