Self-Harm Recovery Daily Check-in: Thursday November 11, 2019
Hey everyone! I've really missed you all, and doing these check-ins! I hope this subcommunity can get back to daily check-ins very soon- we already have 4 of the 7 days filled! Wow! I really appreciate you all ❤
1) How are you today? Is there anything you'd like to share?
2) Who inspires you the most? Was there a situation in which this person became cemented in your brain?
3) What's your strength? Feel free to interpret it as anything you'd like- I can't wait to read your answers!
Take good care of yourselves, everyone!
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@rebecca947
1) Today, I am okay and trying to work through some issues (avoiding making a doctor's appointment with my new GP). I am now 10 days out from my last self-harm outburst and realizing something needs to change before I get the urge again.
2) My husband inspires me the most right now because he is the one saying all the things I wish my brain would tell me, instead of the self-depricating dialogue I have.
3) I am not sure I have any strengths right now. I am at the rebuilding stage of having had a major meltdown (third time in about 5 months) so I am not really seeing strengths in anything I do right now. Honestly, I feel a bit like a rat in a rain barrel trying to keep my head above water.
@wittyEyes6543
Hey, Eyes! :) I'm glad you're feeling ok today and trying to work through some issues. How has the GP appointment booking gone? I'm so proud of you for realising, understanding and acting upon your realisation. It takes a lot of courage, self-reflection and honesty to realise this and to act upon it.
It sounds like you've got a great husband! I'm so happy for you that you have someone supportive in your life helping you get through the tough times. I hope one day you'll start to believe him a little more than you believe your mind. That's progress, an amazing one at that.
I see the strength you have. Resiliency. You're at the rebuilding stage- that in itself implies strength and resiliency. You're willing to give it a try, to get up out of the rain barrel and make it back to solid foundations. The willingness to try after falling down? Not once, not twice but three times? That's a huge strength there. I hope again that one day you will see it, you will ruminate upon it, journal about it and a breakthrough comes. At which time, you will truly see the strength you have, admire it for what it is and believe in it wholeheartedly.
Take care of yourself, Eyes! <3
@rebecca947
Thank you for you kind words. I bit the bullet so to speak and booked an appointment with my GP, unfortunately the soonest I could get in was the beginning of December. My husband has been my rock for nearly 30 years now and you'd think I'd be more in line with him by now on my thinking but we also lived close to my very dysfunctional family who usually say cruel things without really thinking or saying they were "joking" but being bullied by people who are supposed to make you feel safe sucks. Even now my sister who is only 2.5 years older treats me like a child, although honestly she treats our father the same way. By unpopular belief of another extended family member I have put a great deal of distance between myself and the extended family in the past 6 years since our mother died (he is of the belief that just because they are blood I should spend as much time with them as I can....so I do, usually it is only Christmas Day that I put in my appearance). I live literally blocks away from my sister, 2 nephews, and a short car ride to my other niece and the other nephew lives across the street from us but they never come to our home either so fair is fair.
It is nice to have somewhere to vent a bit and hopefully help heal some old wounds. It is a slow process but I need to be in a better head space before March 2020 when our new grandbaby is expected to arrive. I want to be a better grandma than I was a mother (I feel like my kids got shorted because I was up and down emotionally and worked too much, FYI they never say anything bad about me as a mother I just feel like I could have been better).
I'm doing relatively well today, based on knowing it can be way worse, not that I'm actually feeling good. I went to group therapy again today, after skipping 2 sessions. It just kinda confirmed all my reasons for not going before. It was basically the others talking about work and vacation the entire time, both things I don't relate to. I'll try to go again next Tuesday but I'm not looking forward to it.
I don't really know if I have anyone inspiring, which is probably part of the problem.
I guess my strength is listening, at least that is what people tell me.
@Madaraismyspiritanimal
Hey, Madara! That's great to hear you're doing well today. Being able to see the bigger picture- not focus on the emotions right now but also be able to see how it could be worse, takes such skill. The group therapy session sounds like something you don't enjoy going to- would talking to the coordinator/ session host help in figuring out better ways of helping your situation? Or are you able to change groups? Good on you for still giving it a try, and pushing through it. I hope it goes well next week, or that you're able to come to a better solution/compromise.
It doesn't have to be a person, it can be an animal too. Or even yourself. <3
Sounds like a good strength you feel you might have, though I'm not fully convinced you believe it yourself? What makes you hesitant to say for sure that you're good at listening?
Take care of yourself xx
@rebecca947
I have expressed the difficulty I'm experiencing with new members of the group and in general seeing purpose in it, to the therapists that lead it.
I have been part of this group for a little over 6 months, and I was finally feeling more comfortable and even attached to some of the people, so that being disturbed is really hard to deal with.
I'm gonna keep try in and hope things get better soon 🤞
Heya @rebecca947 ! How've you been? I havent been here in a while, but I hope you're doing alright :)
I'm doing alright I think. it's getting close to the end of the semester fo rme and I'm doing better than I was last year overall but I'm still not where I want to be quite yet. I have course sleections later today and I'm still unsure of what courses I should take. I did talk to my academic advisor yesterday and we both agreed that I should wait until 3rd year to declare my major instead of now. I have a general idea of what I want to do for an overall degree but my grades don't exactly agree so I have to wait another year. But that's okay, nothing is set in stone. There's no right or wrong amount of time for these sorts of things.
I have a few people who inspire me. They're all teammates from soccer, but they all encourage me to be more confident in who I am and my abilities, even though I'm not the best player on the team. I've been playing with the same team for almost 5 years now, and I'm only just now starting to open up to them.
Regarding strengths, I guess I'm loyal? I don't like thinking about my strengths. I know I have them but I think it's selfish in some weird way when I think about them so I stuff them down. I'm slowly learning that there's a diffference between being self-centered and simply acknowledging without feeling good or bad about them though
Anyways, that's enough of me for another little while. Again, it's nice to see you around again! Take care :)
Okay guys, I'm 37 days clean! I'm going strong!
