Self Harm Recovery Daily Check-in : Tuesday, October 6th, 2020
Hello hello beautiful beings <3
I hope this week started off well ! If it was a rough start, hang in there, you never know what will happen tomorrow :) <3
So I'm in a loving and moving on sort of mood lately, it got me thinking about self love and that lead me to thinking about forgiveness. Now and again it's nice to remember to forgive oneself for what we have done or what we haven't done maybe. Admitting that we're only human beings and we all make mistakes seems like a healthy way of thinking to me. Sometimes we're harder on ourselves than we are to others. So to you who is reading this : I hope you find some inner peace by forgiving someone today and hopefully that someone is you <3
Remember, when you forgive, you heal. And when you let go, you grow. - Unknown
Check in questions :
1) How are you doing today ? Anything that you'd like to share ? :)
2) What is your relationship with forgiveness ? Is it something that comes naturally to you ? Do you find it difficult ? Is it easier to forgive yourself or others ?
3) What is one thing (or more) that you could forgive yourself ?
Song recommendation of the day : I wish I was the moon by Ewan J Phillips
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@Slizzy564
1) How are you doing today ?
Well and good, thanks and hello. Hope you are too.
Anything that you'd like to share ? :)
I have a new habit to only use the internet for one small topic at a time. Then after I'm done with that small topic, it's a signal for me to get up and do something away from the screen. I call this new habit "alternating", because I alternate from what I was doing on the web to something else away from the web. And while I'm away from the web, I usually do some useful task I have to do. So I'm getting a lot done since I started and if feels really good. It also feels really good to be up and about and giving my eyes a break from staring at the screen.
2) What is your relationship with forgiveness ?
Regarding forgiving myself, I probably am too forgiving of myself in many ways (like when I make mistakes that affects others). And I'm probably not forgiving enough of myself in other ways (like when I make mistakes that affects me only).
Over time, I've found it easier to forgive myself because I can understand why I made the mistakes I made.
I can also rewrite the story I tell myself about the past (my narrative) so that it includes those learnings.
I also find it easier to forgive myself now because I realized I should ignore what many of the idealistic productivity self-help books told me I should do.
Is it something that comes naturally to you ?
Do you find it difficult ?
Regarding forgiving myself, it depends on the situation. Usually I forgive myself, but I still feel loss for that I could have had.
Is it easier to forgive yourself or others ?
Others.
3) What is one thing (or more) that you could forgive yourself ?
I could be better at forgiving myself for what I did to other people out of having an inward mindset.
Here is a very short great video explanation of inward mindset and outward mindset
Please forgive any typos above.
@7motivation
Hi there ! :) First of all this is a very detailed post, I'm loving it :) I'm doing okay, a bit stressed out but it'll pass, thanks for asking !
I have to say this new habit of yours seems very healthy and useful ! I'm glad to hear that it's working for you :) It must feel great to give your eyes a rest and doing little tasks at the same time ! We have a saying in France that goes something like "joining the useful to the pleasant", pretty fitting for your new habit :)
Oh that's an interesting way of thinking about this. I'll admit I've never thought of things this way ! I find it curious how the impact of what we do can influence our perception of it. I'm happy to hear that you find forgiving yourself easier over time. In a way we all make mistakes and understanding why we made them must be a positive experience. Also letting go of a "too perfect" idea seems a more realistic approach to life. After all, nothing in nature is perfect. I like the idea of rewriting our story and including all the little things that we've learned on the way. I get you on feeling the loss of what I could have had and also on forgiving others.
I checked the video out. Interesting I'll say that ! I don't know to which extent they include personalities though .. ? It seems to me that some people have a more outgoing personality than others, making that outward mindset more difficult to find.
All typos are willingly forgiven :)
Thanks for checking in, take care <3
@Slizzy564
Thanks for your reply comments.
Regarding the video about Mindsets - Outward or Inward . . .
I shared the video link because . . .
I realized, I need to forgive myself for making mistakes and hurting other people's feelings due to having an Inward Mindset at the time I made the mistake.
I realize now, that is what caused me to make the mistakes.
If I had an Outward Mindset at the time, I would have been considerate of the other person's feelings as much as I was concerned about my own feelings.
So that is what I would like to share on the topic of self-forgiveness in particular.
Thanks and good day to you :)
@7motivation
No problem, it's my pleasure :)
It's an interesting way of self reflecting I think. I'm glad that it helps you see things a bit clearer now :) And it'd be nice if more people had an outward mindset :) Thanks for sharing with us !
1) How are you doing today?
I'm just doing what I have to.
Anything that you'd like to share ? :)
Not really.
2) What is your relationship with forgiveness ? Is it something that comes naturally to you ? Do you find it difficult ? Is it easier to forgive yourself or others ?
If it's a accident I definitely forgive easley. If it is on purpose I think it would be foolish to forgive/trust without the perpetrator making changes. It is definitely easier for me forgive others than myself. I have to hold myself to a standard. Others do whatever whatever they are going to do.
3) What is one thing (or more) that you could forgive yourself?
Could? No. But probably should. For not doing more for my sisters when we were young.
@Flornhope
Hey there :)
May I ask what you have to do ? I don't know if you mean this as a positive thing or not. I hope that you're doing okay though.
Oh so to you forgiveness depends on the intention behind the mistake ! I get you on being able to forgive others easier than myself. Do you think that you have a higher standard for yourself ?
I'm sorry to hear that you feel that you need to forgive yourself for that but maybe can't. You know they say time heals all, maybe it'll help you one day.
Thanks for checking in, take care <3
@Slizzy564 I got to go through the motions of being a human. Nothing dark and ominous. I try to hold myself to a standard. We aim above the mark to hit the mark because we all fail once and a while. I hope to forgive myself or at least be better able to live with myself form what I didn't do or could have done better.
@Flornhope
I like that phrasing 'going through the motions of being a human', there a lot of things said there. I hope that by holding yourself to a standard, you aren't too hard on yourself. Though I do agree, we fail sometimes, it's nice to hear that you still hit the mark despite that. Forgiving oneself is a long experience to live through, I wish that someday you'll get there !
@Slizzy564 I probably am overly hard on myself at times. I'm getting better at excepting my faults and failures. Thank you.
@Slizzy564, hey there. :) Your ideas in this check-ins are often interesting.
1) How are you doing today ? Anything that you'd like to share ? :)
I''m doing great. It's a shame that I have to delete a mobile game because it was so addicting.
2) What is your relationship with forgiveness ? Is it something that comes naturally to you ? Do you find it difficult ? Is it easier to forgive yourself or others ?
My relationship with forgiveness is a mix between love and hate. It's as simple as that for now.
Forgiveness is easy for me as long as the problems are minor. But when I was younger, I used to play violent web games, and imagine those who hurt me as my victims. Additionally, the difficulty of forgiving heavily depends to the situation. Anyway, I find it easier to forgive myself because It's harder to forgive others who intentionally hurt me.
3) What is one thing (or more) that you could forgive yourself ?
I can forgive myself in any situations. However, the bigger the mistake, the longer it will take to forgive myself. If I don't forgive myself, I'll definitely get insane thinking all the past mistakes over and over again. x)
Thanks for the check-in and take care.
@LovelyOrangeJuice
Hey hey ! It's good to see you around :) Thanks for the compliment :) Though I have to say that reading people's answers is very interesting too !
It's nice to hear that you're doing well ! Just to be clear : did you delete the game because it was addicting or are you sad that you have to delete it for other reasons but it's was so good it was addictive ?
Hum is it an even mix ? I'm glad to hear that forgiveness can be easy if the problem is minor. Though I do understand that it's hard to forgive people who've hurt you. I guess that by playing those games, you kinda got your revenge on those people.
It's nice to hear that you're forgiving with yourself even though sometimes it can take a while for you to get there ! I hope you don't get stuck thinking about mistakes too often though ! Mind you I think that's something that we all tend to do too much : think about our past mistakes.
Thank you for checking in, take care too <3
@Slizzy564, hey there.
I deleted the game out of addiction, but I was sad as well that I have to do that because it was so fun. Uggh It's difficult to control either addiction or obsession.
Oh, I believe that it isn't balanced because the relationship heavily depends to the situation, though the gap isn't that big most of the time.
Thanks for your reply. :)
@LovelyOrangeJuice
I'm sorry to hear about that, even if it's probably the best decision for you it must be frustrating to lose your progress ... And I do agree, it's very hard to control an addicition or obsession ! Hard but possible :)
Hum I'd say that a lot of things aren't balanced in this world so I guess it's kinda fitting !
No worries :)
Hey there lovelies! <3
1) How are you doing today ? Anything that you'd like to share ? :)
I am doing very good today! No urges, very much inspired, happy to do my goals and reach them. Also, I want to share something with all of you: sometimes it is good to cry and shed a tear. It is also good to search love and hugs when we are alone. Remember: you all matters to the world, no matter what.
2) What is your relationship with forgiveness ? Is it something that comes naturally to you ? Do you find it difficult ? Is it easier to forgive yourself or others ?
My relationship with forgiveness is...well, just very complicated and hard. It not come naturally to me, and I find it very difficult due to my uneasy character and aspirations. However, I consider easier to forgive others than yourself.
3) What is one thing (or more) that you could forgive yourself ?
Actually I have a huge problems with forgiving myself. It is like I know that is important and stuff, but...I just can't do that. Like I don't deserve forgiveness or so.
@inventiveAcai3503
Hello hello :)
I'm glad to hear that you're doing so well :) Seems like a very positive day for you ! That's a nice thing to share with us, and sure crying doesn't mean being weak. I tend to think that love and hugs can solve a lot of our problems. Thanks for that little reminder ;)
I'm sorry to hear that you have a complicated relationship with forgiveness. Though you seem to have found some of the reasons why this is difficult to you, that's always a start to moving on. I feel that forgiving others is easier for quite a few people. I don't know why we tend to be harder on ourselves so much ?
Knowing that it's important and wanting to do it doesn't necessarily mean that you're ready for it. Maybe you need some time to make to easier for you and that's okay. But be assured that you do deserve forgiveness <3
Thanks for checking in, take care <3
@Slizzy564 thank you for replying love! Do you have any idea how to deal further with forgiving myself?
@inventiveAcai3503
Oh you're more than welcome :)
As for being forgiving with yourself, I'm no expert since I tend to be hard on myself too. I guess it's related to self love ? Or at least being in peace with yourself ? If you know that you're only human and that it's normal to make mistakes, maybe it can make things easier ? Nobody is perfect and we all hit bumps on the road at some point. Being able to look back on those bumps as experiences that can make you grow rather than memories that bring you down seems like a good start.
@Slizzy564 thank you so much, I noted that!
@Slizzy564
1) How are you doing today ? Anything that you'd like to share ? :)
I'm okay so far just got up tho lol. I was gone because I was on vacation and that was hell... long story short my husband and his family trested me bad the whole time and I've been having a tough time since we got back. He's still been a little mean but way less..
2) What is your relationship with forgiveness ? Is it something that comes naturally to you ? Do you find it difficult ? Is it easier to forgive yourself or others ?
I struggle so bad with forgivng I still haven't forgave my mom over everything though they all claim nothing happened. Maybe that's why I can't forgive because they don't listen to my feeling and validate them. And same as my husband he listens to me but doesn't change it... I hate it so much. This whole month and week have been so rough I've had 9 anxiety attacks.. neither honestly I'm so rough on myself as well...
3) What is one thing (or more) that you could forgive yourself ?
I honestly don't know even since the bad stuff with my familys happened I can't remember anything and it scares me. I can remember like very little stuff from the past but alot has been like erased and I can't remember stuff. I'm only in my 20's and I'll say something and then my husband will reply and I have no idea what I just said. Sometimes I swear he unplugged the fan before we left but he swears I did it. It just scares me.
Have a wonderful day lovelies
@itidc
Hey there !
I'm so sorry for my late reply, somehow I didn't get the notification for your post !
Oh I'm really sorry to hear about your vacation. Seems like that was a tough time for you ! I hope that you get some time to destress and heal from this experience <3 Sending you tons of hugs if you want them <3
Hum I understand that forgiving someone who doesn't want to acknowlegde that they're in the wrong isn't easy. And you're right, when we don't feel listened to and understood, it can make things a lot harder. I guess it relates the fact that they're not really trying to be forgiven ? As for your husband not changing, I tend to think that it takes time to change and not everybody is willing to use that time well. Though I do hope that he changes some of his habits to help you. I'm sorry to hear about that anxiety attacks, that must have been so tiring ! Hopefully you'll be able to get some rest over the next week <3
Oh I didn't know that you had this type of memory loss, I don't even know if it qualifies as memory loss actually. I totally understand that it must be scary not being able to remember what you did. Having said that, I don't know if this will bring any comfort, but I have a terrible memory for everything related to my childhood. I'll remember bits and pieces of course but a lot has been chucked in the bin by my brain. No idea why. Some people tend to remember a lot and some don't I guess ! As for things that you could forgive yourself, it doesn't necessarily have to be something from the past, it could also be something of the present !
Thanks for checking in, have a wonderful day too and take care <3
@Slizzy564
Thank you and it's going alot better actually I've been cleaning and taking care of myself. I don't actually have a diagnosis it's just what i've noticed like I used to remember more of my childhood till recent mental abuse happened now I can't remember anything and it scares me. I don't know why I worry about it sometimes.
1) How are you doing today ? Anything that you'd like to share ? :) - I feel pretty low today. Just one of those days.
2) What is your relationship with forgiveness ? Is it something that comes naturally to you ? Do you find it difficult ? Is it easier to forgive yourself or others ? - It's a hard one. It's not something that comes naturally or at all, yet at the same time I can move on easy. I find it easier to forgive overs then myself. I always think I should have knowen better.
3) What is one thing (or more) that you could forgive yourself ? - Maybe letting certian things happen.
@Goldcherry2113
Hi there !
I'm sorry for my late reply !
I'm sorry to hear about you feeling low today though as you mention, hopefull it's just for one day. I wish for birghter days to come your way :)
Hum I understand that forgiveness sometimes doesn't come naturally. I suppose there's some comfort in the fact that you can move on easily. It's hard looking back on our past mistakes. I get you on feeling that you could have done better. Sometimes I like to remind myself, that although I could have done better, what's done is done and no amount of thinking how I could have done things differently will actually change the events.
Hum what do you mean by letting things happen ?
Thanks for checking in, take care <3
Hi I'm new here. Im female 21year old. Selfharmed since I was about 10years old or before that.
1) How are you doing today ? Anything that you'd like to share ? :)
I have had an okay day. Ihave been to the stable. Horse was tired so I gave him a massage and then ge got to just rest today. Having a training session on thursday. But I feel awful and all I can think about is self harm and where I have my stash of blades and how easy it would be just to fall back now that I don't have drugs to make me feel something other than constant pain and missary.
2) What is your relationship with forgiveness ? Is it something that comes naturally to you ? Do you find it difficult ? Is it easier to forgive yourself or others ?
I Have a problem forgiving myself mora than anything. I will also never forgive my parents or the ones who have raped me. But I have almost the opposite problem with everyone else. I forgive really bad things, I forgive everyone for everything even when I shouldn't and then I get used by them.
3) What is one thing (or more) that you could forgive yourself ?
I could forgive myself for my mothers abuse since that was never my faul. So I should not even be mat or hold me accountable for that. I just do since she told me my whole life that it was my fault. But I should forgive myself and relise that I really don't even need to forgive myself since it was never my fault. But it is hard.
Thank you <3
@Charlielover99
Hi there ! Welcome to 7cups and welcome to the self harm recovery forum. I hope that you find some help, comfort and maybe even happy times here :)
It's nice to hear about your relationship with your horse, though I'm sorry to hear that he was tired today. Hopefully he'll be feeling better soon ! I've always found it fascinating how animals can help us through our daily lives. I'm sorry to hear that you've been thinking about self harm a lot recently. As you say, it seems too easy to just slip back into our old habits doesn't it ? Especially since you can't rely on drugs to help you cope with the pain and the emotions. That sounds hard to go through, though I'd like to celebrate your strength to have managed until today. I hope that easier times come your way <3
Hum I understand how forgiving oneself can be hard, I'm struggling with that too. I might be completly out of it but maybe forgiving others when you shouldn't is a way of self harming ? Though I do understand that sometimes it seems a lot easier to forget others even if they do do bad things.
Very true ! You're not responsible for others actions. Though I do get that letting go of that thought must be hard given that it was told to you so often. This is nothing new but things are always easier said than done but at least you have a better insight on the situation and are willing to forgive yourself.
Thanks for checking in, take care <3