Confusing Emotions

No tw this time but I recently just hit 5 months clean, going onto 6 but i dont feel good about it. I know that its normal to want to relapse during recovery but its not even the fact i want to sh its just that everyone cares more about my recovery then what actually caused me to be in recovery. I feel like my issues were completely blown off and no one seems to see that. I dont want to sh, not bc i care or dont want to relapse but simply bc im lazy and dont feel like doing it. That doesnt mean i wanted to stop but because i would be okay for a few weeks my current bf would celebrate and it kinda snowballed into me staying clean. Every month i hit i dont care but everyone does and it upsets me. I still have issues and no one actually helps me through it simply bc i don't hurt myself anymore. Sometimes i want to show them what i use to do to prove im not okay but ik it'll cause more problems then actually fixing them. Is there any way to feel better about this or an explanation to how i feel?