Hormone crash?
Okay, I need to know if anyone else experiences this(I'm sure I'm not the only one but seriously, I need confirmation). TW: SH and C-19 mention.
So for a while I've noticed this pattern; I'm hanging out with friends, or just in general I'm having a bunch of fun. I'm genuinely happy, excited, or some positive emotion.
But later once I'm all alone, I feel this heavy.. weight almost, like I have such strong negative emotions, and this is coming from a person that doesn't experience many emotions ever since I contracted Covid.
I used to be a regular person, a little extroverted even, but now after Covid, its like it changed my personality almost entirely. I still feel like me, but I'm quieter. I keep things to myself, things I shouldn't. I feel less emotion, sometimes I feel nothing even.
So after experiencing the dopamine high or whatever that concoction of happy hormones are, it's like I crash, hardcore, and I don't know what to do with the negative emotions, or sometimes lackthereof, and I take it out on myself.
Sometimes it doesn't even take the 'dopamine high' for the crash, sometimes it's something I do, or something I don't do. Like my boss will say something and I'll over anylize it and come to the conclusion he hates me, hates my work and wants to fire me so I panic, get angry at myself because I'm not good enough and I hurt myself.
So yeah.. I ranted a bit, sorry about that. But if anyone else has experienced what I've explained or if you know what the bleep is wrong with my brain, please, I'm so tired of hiding the scars. It raises way too much anxiety all the time cause sometimes I'm convinced someone knows but they're just not saying anything cause they want me to confess or something..
Anyway, thanks for reading, drink water, be safe, someone loves you❤️
@terribleterrafirma
I'm glad you could open up.
Its hard to experience such emotions, one minute high, one minute low. It's confusing and hard. I'm sorry you feel like you are a different person. It can feel so isolating. I would recommend going to a doctor and opening up completely and then hopefully with the right answers and support you'll get the help and the clarity that you need. You can be happy again 💜 💕
Thank you for replying and advice!
The first issue for talking to a doctor would be that my parents would find out, though I am an adult I'm still under my dad's insurance and I can't afford to pay for it myself.
The good news is, I actually do have a doctor appointment coming up in October, well, she's technically a nurse-practitioner that focuses on hormones and brain stuff, I learned about her from my parents who have been going to see her for a while now. But going to her seems like a step in the right direction.
But also bad news, I'm scheduled to go with my sister, who very much doesn't know and it absolutely HAS to stay that way, so there's no way I can tell this nurse-practitioner while my sister is there. I might try to see if there's a way I can ask the nurse if we can go in separately, but make it seem kind of like it wasn't my choice to be separated.
I hate lying, especially to my sister, but I absolutely cannot let anyone in my life knows about my sh, and I very much want to take it to my grave.
@terribleterrafirma
Yes, I would ask the nurse to allow you to go in separately, you deserve your privacy and for your needs to be met, I hope this appointment gives you the help and the answers you need 💕💜
@Amanda84
I'm just worried my sister is going to be suspicious and ask a lot of questions afterwards. She means well, she really does, but ever since I moved in with her she worries so terribly much about me even though I've never shown reason to..
Honestly, I'm more hoping this appointment with help her with her anxiety than me, I feel like I can deal with this quietly if need be, it'd just be nice to have answers. And I guess to know if this can be reversed or if it will get worse if left ignored, but I doubt it.
@terribleterrafirma
I know how scary it can be when we don't have the answers and we are filling in the blanks ourselves. That appointment hopefully will offer you the clarification you need 💕💜
