I don't know what should I feel (Trigger warning)
Today (an hour ago actually) I first time cut myself. Not deep and not much, but... I don't know, my mind just went blank. And I liked it.
It's like, my pain was so intense and I felt so incredibly bad, and it seemed like I supposed to try this. It was so easy, my arms didn't twich a bit and I was so.. Confident? I don't know, my mind is such a mess right now and I can't tell my friends about that because they will be extremely worried and scared. I don't want to disappoint them and make them feel bad
I was harming myself before, but I was slightly biting myself or chewing my cheeks and lips, but cutting for me was... Hmm.. Point of no-return or something like that. I actually don't know what I supposed to feel, should I be scared? Should I be sad or worried? I'm autistic and this situation not one where I have a pattern to follow, and my btain is burning.
I hate this situation so much
I know it can be really hard and I'm not Trying to scare you, but try to stop right now.Because when you start and you keep going, it's gonna be harder and harder and harder to stop.And if you just try to stop right now , it might be easier
@braveLand4523
Thank you, I'm so glad that you texted me, I was thinking that I wrote something wrong and wanted to delete this post because no one answered, but now I somehow not that alone haha. I don't want to do it again and I easily addictive, so, not the best thing to do. Yes, I'll try, but it's really hard for me to shut down my brain. I tried to distract or relax, but it's hard in the middle of hysteria(
But I promise I'll try to find another way
Though it is hard to always stop what we enjoy doing, may be think of it like - your body is not you and doesn't necessarily belong to you. Neither does your mind. Only your soul does - hence think of it like hurting yourself is actually same as hurting someone else! This is not to make you guilty or anything, but just to help you love yourself as you are and all that you are!
I know it can be hard to accept this , but this is a core principle of some philosophies (e.g. Hinduism).
@Cherch
Sorry about all the things you're going through but remember that you're stronger than this all. You're so strong to face this all. Sometimes everyone's mind goes blank but the actual thing is to control our thoughts before they start controlling us. I know that it can be very hard for you but try to develop the habit of re-directing your thoughts whenever your thoughts move towards self harm. Harming yourself will only hurt you more. Everything that happened is done, now you'll have to take care of yourself in the future.
Also, you can also reach me out if you need help in re-directing your thoughts or even if you'll like to talk. I might only listen but I'd try my best to help you out as much as I can. You and your health matters more than anything!! Don't hesitate to reach me out. Hugs if okayy🫂
Your friendly neighborhood listener,
@SageDrift 🕷️
@SageDrift
