I dont know what to think about this.
So first and foremost I want to make it very clear that as of right now I have no intention of self harm, but I know my history.
Over the last few weeks to a month I have found that, despite it not being thoughts of physically hurting myself like ive done in the past, ive had almost constant thoughts of dieing. I dont know exactly how to describe it so I guess an example may help. So like 3 days ago at work I had to go up on the second floor roof of a building to blow off the leaves, moss, etc before the first snow falls. And while I was up there all I found myself thinking of was "if only one of these acorns would roll under my foot and cause me to fall then....." or like when I am driving home on dark roads that I know for certain have alot of accidents from deer running across road, I find myself just driving with no thought of what if, but more like wishing one would.
I dont know what to think about this, but what I do know is I dont like it, and it does not help me to feel any better and no matter how hard I try to make the thoughts go away, or drown them out they are still there amongst all the other noise in my head. 😔😞😣
@Usmp4lyfe
🥺
Thank you for your honesty.
I'm sorry you are struggling so much.
And the feelings are so intense.
It's very difficult when we cannot outrun our thoughts but not allowing them to consume us and talking about them, takes the power out of them 💜💕
Thanks, yeah its hard, but you're right and I do kinda know that inside. Thats kinda what lead me here. Im not one to really open up to others especially on my personal feelings and what not. So its kinda nice to be able to just post something up. And even better if or when someone responds I guess.
@Usmp4lyfe
It's a pleasure to be able to speak with you and a privilege that you allowed me to share in your story 💜💕
Thanks, and thank you for just being there. Ive seen your name and responses alot around on here just in the few days ive been on. I cant speak for all but it does mean alot and makes me feel a little bit better just knowing someone is watching around.
@Usmp4lyfe
Thank you for your kind words 💜 💕 I try my best because I want as many people as possible to know, they are seen, heard and not alone here 💕
