I feel alienated
So im 16 and have had a history of self harm since I was 12 and it left me scarred up and down won’t scars bigger than 3-4 inches and I’ll get to the point but everything I have gone through made me extremely mature and I have very high emotional intelligence. (I don’t want to sound like im bragging because I’m not)
And to sum it up I feel like an adult in a teenage body, so if someone looks at my bubbly and always smiling face they would never know that I have scars on both of my arms, butt, hips, breasts and thighs.
Now, my parents or parent is kind of strict and I don’t even know if I’m just overreacting because all of my “friends” have parents that more so act like their friends so they can wear crop tops and have boyfriends and even stay out late!
And I can’t do any of those… I actually haven’t met anyone that isn’t allowed to date. But I got sidetracked! But yeah, even though I’m not allowed to date under any circumstances I have a bf at school he’s a 16 sophomore and im 16 freshman (I was in the hospital for mental stuff) and he’s just not very mature and very base level personality.
Im just to mature and he’s a normal teenager and whereas he probably hasn’t had a single stressful event in his life I have had hundreds and that has taken years to experience and I don’t think I’ll find anyone in high school who has that kind of trauma induced EQ amd I hate it..
I can’t even keep any friends because of it because nothing is even funny anymore.. they’re all laugh t at “67” jokes and I don’t even smile. I laugh at more realistic things and I hate small talk.
So what do I do now? Because I’m not willing to dumb emotionally because although I love being able to read people based off of only how their holding their hands or their expressions and just instantly read anyone I just wish I could be normal and not have the mind of a stranger.
@redNest9356 hey, i can relate to this alot. When you go through things that require a certain level of emotional maturity, seeing your peers lacking that can be jarring. Im 17, and I get so annoyed when im expected to laugh at silly things- like the 6-7 thing- or be interested in things like games. I’m not interested in dating, and it’s not the culture here, but i do get the frustration of being the only one with strict parents and those limitations. And it’s like…your happy your peers arent traumatized, but you wish there was someone who wasn’t sort of… naive? Who understands the depth in things. It’s hard to find people like that, but it’s not impossible. We are how we are because of the circumstances we’ve been through. It doesn’t make us…weird, or wrong, just different. But yes, different can be lonely :/