I relapsed after 2 months of being clean

A lot happenned this week. My friend who i wanted to get along with went back to psychriatrist after just few days of coming back from mental hospital. I tried to make her feel welcome again, but she was in crisis and needed proffessional help. It's been 2 days after i've last seen her...

My grades got worse, my mom got serious unknown cramps that paralyzed her for a second out of exhaustion from working 12 hours, i might not be able to fulfill my dreams of being in theatre, because of schedule and my sleep got terrible too. All in one week. I am intense, so i was taught to control my weird habits and loud tone. I try to be unbothered by most stuff, because i know sooner or later i'll have to toughen up. I tend to speak too fast, talk too loud or do strange gestures i don't even notice myself. Any kind of academic failure just feels painful for me. My friends go through a lot and i try to comfort them as much as i know how to comfort, but i'm starting to feel helpless...

I even bursted out crying during dinner time, which was very embarrassing. I hate crying even in front of most trusted people.

So i just had to cut myself. I don't cut hard, i try to be careful. I do it on hips, where i can hide it under my underwear. It's the only way for me to keep my cool and not explode or whatever.