Just venting

I want to relapse so bad. I've been 4 months clean. My mom yelled at me on the phone today for not going to school. I didn't go to school because I thought I might get my period today, I have extremely heavy bleeding and horrible cramps, so I usually don't go to school because of it. My mom said I can't go to this concert I was going to go to, and I cant see friends, and if I don't get my period today and get it sometime this week, I'll still have to go. I feel horrible for making her mad I didn't mean to get her so mad at me. I just feel so guilty for staying home. She makes my mental health worse sometimes. I still love her but she has her bad days. I don't have therapy. I've been asking to get back into therapy for about a year now. She tries to find therapist, but she's so busy from work. I also want to go on birth control for my period, but she's also not got that for me. Idk how she doesn't understand that if I get all that fixed, I'll go to school and stop missing days. I'm just tired of her. She's coming home later today and I know shell just tell at me more. She might take my phone, but I'm not sure. I was thinking about cleaning the house for her, but I feel like I shouldn't have to do that just for her to not be mad at me. I think she'll still be mad at me even if I clean.