Only One Life (a poem about the start of my recovery)

TW: this poem contains mentions of sh, sewerslide, and OD-ing.

For a bit of context:

Two nights ago, I tried to OD. It didn't work, obviously. Not even my parents know, only a select few friends I told. But they've tried so hard to support me, to help me, to encourage me to stay. My friend made me promise to text them in the morning, and that if I don't text them, then they'll know what happened. Last night, the struggle returned. The solution, once again, was in my hands. Playing all over again. My mind kept telling me to just do it, to just get it over with. Every doubt in my mind was chanting me on. But I didn't. I decided not to take that step again. I took control, refusing to listen to the stupid voices.

This is a thank you to the ones that helped me. Twinnie. Mylo. Kayla. Astrid. Thank you for fighting for my life when I didn't even want to fight anymore. This is the story of of last night.

"The solution is in your hands..."

Yes, but do I really take it?

"You're so close, just take that step..."

I don't know if I can make it-

"Just take the pills, so your pain will end"

But what about those I'm leaving behind?

"Just write those letters, they'll survive"

I don't think some of them will...

"You're just hurting them more"

Maybe, but they're telling me otherwise

"Friends lie to protect all the time"

Then it shows that they truly care

"Just take the damn pills., you're stalling for time"

Then maybe time is what I need

"You're wasting this chance, do you want to keep hurting?"

No, but maybe there's a solution

"There's never a fix, you'll always stay hurting!

Quit begging for hope when there's none to give!

You're wasting your breath, just take the damn p!lls

Hurry up and get it over with you freaking-"

NO

no

no...

I'm not listening to you

If I took my life those 5 years ago, I would've missed on so much

The new friendships

The undying love

The memories

The relationships

I'm not going to listen to you for another DAMN second

I'm not going to keep letting you control MY life

This is MY life

And I only get one

I only get one

I only have one...