AvyIsKing Member Profile

1 year sober

Addiction Support / by AvyIsKing

January 8th

...See more TW- self harm brief mentions of death, ed, and abuse most people dont really consider self harm an addiction, but for me it was. the release i felt when i did the behavior, was immense. I started harming regularly when i was 11 years old, however I have been doing those behaviors for as long as i could remember. Fast foward to 2024. Im 16, and struggling. My body reflects years of @abuse and damage. i ended up doing something idek what and i accidentally slipped up. i mentioned that my hip was hurting. they asked why. they next text would change my life. i told them what was happening. And i didnt get pity in response, like my irl friends gave me. Or just oh im sorry. instead i got "promise me you wont, ever again" i told them i couldnt promise that, and they said whats the longest youve gone. I said 6 months. They said promise me a year. That was 1 year ago today. 365 days. 8760 hours. 525600 minutes. 31536000 seconds, since the last time i harmed myself. it wasnt an easy year either. I wanted to relapse so many times. I lost a very dear family to me. I got devastating health news. I got tragically ill and almost unalived. I dated the 2nd abusive man ive ever dated in my short life. I lost my faith. I lost friends. But i also found myself. I remembered how to smile. How good it felt to show my skin without shame. I made new friends. I flourished. I got my life back on track. i started eating again. ive fallen in love. im applying to colleges. i got off my SSRI. im able to be around sharp objects. i wont lie. the thoughts havent gone away, and i dont think they ever will. its how my brain works. and i dont know if my sobriety will be permanent. and thats okay what i do know is i promised to make a change, and i did. and thank u to everyone who supported me during this long stressful battle now we ponder what tattoo i get to cover my least favorite scars (:<

zoo pictures !

General Support / by AvyIsKing

September 25th, 2025

Life Update

General Support / by AvyIsKing

September 23rd, 2025

...See more Hey hey! Ive recently started coming around again, and ive gotten so many questions about where ive been and how ive been so i figured ill just make a forum post! this is gonna just sum up my entire life from early summer 2024, to now, which is how long my break was! a lot of this people might know, from me telling little bits or my occassional forum post, but im just gonna say EVERYTHING here, so everyone knows everything ill have it divided into two sections: health and just my general life. a lot of the things are gonna tie into each other so i reccommend reading both but some people only care about the health xD Health: as many of you know my health has been an ongoing issue in my life for probably the last 4-5 years. when i left cups we were kind of in a catch 22. i ended up going to a fancy research childrens hospital in a whole other state, to get a study done. they attached sensors to my legs and arms and stomach and had me walk. they were studying my gait. The results of that test, broke me. They said the only option would be surgery. Which we knew surgery was a possibility but this was a definite. The scariest part? They wanted to break my tibia and rotate it and rescrew it back. that terrified me. we went and talked to my surgeron and he was like okay, so i want you to go to genetics. They were 100% sure i had CMT (charcot marie tooth disease, i suggest googling it xD) and just needed a confirmation test. I was also told to go to neurology. The neurologist told me that he was 100% sure i had CMT. it was without a doubt what I had. So i had the genetic testing done, and guess what? I came back inconclusive for cmt. I am so grateful for my genetic dr, because he also thought i had CMT and he couldve just left e as inconclusive. but he did more testing at a different facility. so i have a diagnosis!! I have a genetic mutation of my myh14 gene. It is primarily passed down in people of asian descent, and 9 times out of 10 it just causes non-syndromatic deafness. I dont have any asian in me, and my parens dont have the condition. its never appeared in my family before. For me, it causes neuropathy and affects my tendons. Im glad i have a diagnossis but also its kind of scary because no one really knows what to do to help me, or what the future looks like for me. Im being sent to a university to be studied xD i did end up having surgery! well its 4 surgeries. 2 on my right foot and two on my left. We started about a month ago, on the right. They cut two tendons and a muscle im pretty sure. Then on monday, i went in, and they took a tendon from the outside of my foot and put it on the inside down by my arch, put a wedge of cadaver bone in my arch to make it flatter, and lengthened my achillies tendon. this is the worst pain i have ever felt in my life but its okay because im gonna feel better eventually Okay now onto the other health stuff. I have asthma :D my random coughing fits i mentuoned a bunch before is actually moderate to severe asthma. i still have dizzy spells but not as often. i had pneumonia really bad this winter, it was really scary, im so so lucky to be here. also in the genetic research we found out i have another mutation that makes me extremely prone to malignent hyperthermia, which can be deadly under anestesia. I have a medical id bracelet i wear whenever i leave the house now. im on migraine meds which has gotten those under control, as well as FINALLY getting meds that help my periods. okay onto the other life stuff: i am OFFICALLY a senior!! ill be 18 in 6 months and 3 days which is INSANE to me!!! i cant believe im almost here. graduatation is insite for me! Also you may be wondering what the college plan is? I cant be a dr becaue of my health, but i have fallen inlove with another field. I took a college class this spring in sociology and FELL IN LOVE!!!! my professor told me i opened her eyes to things she hadnt considered in her entire lifetime in the field. Basically sociology is like psychology but instead of studying one person, its about humans as a society. Why are we the way we are? about money systems and race and gender and all of thesr things. What leads people tp behave the way they behave, its so INTERESTING!!!! my plan is to be a socioogy major, and thengo into law school. I want to be a family lawyer, specfically focusing on SA,CSA,DV, and cases of that sort. i took my act and did icredily well. im waiting for my scores from my retake as we speak! Jeffy is still alive!!!!! i also welcomed two mice into my home in april, slim shady and goob! they are the best boys. i have a job, ive been working there over a year. my boss is incredible when it comes to my health. also one of the times i was on here i previosuly mentioned a boyfriend? he was horrible. he broke me in so many ways. so horrible. I only knew him for a month ad a half and i wish i could forget him. HOWEVER, i have a new man ehehe. weve been dating just a lil over a month and he is the most amazing person i have ever met. i came off my anti depressants, which was hard. Im just genuinely a happy person. things are falling into place. yeah its still hard, and i still have issues with my family and my health and just life, but things are falling into place. i think i can genuinely say i havent been this good in years. im surrounded by people who adore me, who genuinely make me happy. and i cant be prouder of myself. TW- i was talkign to my friend last night about the fact that i never thought i would be here. college was always a far away distant dream for me, and yet here i am, getting so many emails everyday, begging for me to go to college there. i never planned on living this long, i really didnt. and oh im so so glad that i stayed. so glad. im healthy, and happy, and i just feel so... free?

hi.

General Support / by AvyIsKing

January 31st, 2025

...See more I cant stay long. i am in no way shape or form back. i need to explain. i owe you all such an apology. my mom went through my phone. found my messages with a guy friend. i got very grounded. then she found my messages on here with a friend and freaked out. im not allowed to be on here anymore, shes not here right now. honestly. leaving cups was the best decision for me. i miss you all every day. there are moments where i just break dwon crying because *** yall you were my family. so where have i been? lets see. im 2 months sh free. im offically in a healthy weight. my drs are tryig to fix my foot, i got injections in the bottom of them, and that sucked. getting it again soon. im... a completely different person. im happy. im free. my therapist is amazing. also my hair is a natural color now. i need to be honest about something. some of you knwo part of the story but none of you really know the full story. this is why leaving cups was a realy really choice for me. when i was 14, and a newbie here, i was manipulated into being 'friends' with a member, he said he was 17 almost 18, im almost 100% certain he was older. he eventually got my offsite, he told me if i didnt give it to him, he would commit d!e against me. we were in a relationship for 8 months before i left him. he did unspeakable things to me, and well being in the place we met was like a constant trigger for me. im in a way better place now. 2 random updates: jeffy is still alive, hes well and cute af my lil man some of u know about? him and his gf broke up but we arent together yet. its complicated. pls tag people if users change, i wont read replies, i probably wont be on for another like 6 or 7 months. i love yall so much it freaking hurts. @sneakysnakeboi @darkerplaces @nomifordays @fluffysheep8 @tinywhisper11 uh can someone tag shoot forgot their new name, but adiren TvT please, and astra cause i hate spelling ur user astra u stinky sock

Religion??

Religion & Spirituality / by AvyIsKing

July 8th, 2024

...See more Maybe this is the wrong section? Heck maybe im not even supposed to post this here on cups. if so remove it, im sorry. im actually really really unsure where to post this so like if its wrong i had a suspicion anywayyyyyyyyy idk i was kinda looking for some support in the religious aspect of my life. My mom was a Jehovahs (wow i spelt that bad) Witness when she was growing up, but she left or was kicked out or whatever the term was, idk all she does is tells them one single word and they never come to our door anymore. its like the no fly list. its kinda funny. i was raised in an agnostic household. one that believed in a higher power of sorts but not God persay. universal energy. i never understood why i didn't go to our towns church, why i was being excluded. If you know me, you know I've been through some stuff, seen some stuff. Anyway this lead me to be a like die hard atheist. Why would a God allow me to suffer this way? I dabbled in some other religions briefly, mainly Hellenism, that one brought my soul comfort. it was this way for a very very long time. I am a homeschooler in southern us, right in the bible belt. basically all my friends are really really religious. and here i am a girl-kissing-hair-dying-nose-peircing-gore-loving person who had only ever been in a church a few times. it created a divide between me and my friends. i mean like i know the earth is round and i know evolution is real, like there is literally proof, and that was a huge divide between me and the people i consider my friend. i started dating a guy, huge devoted Christian, right away i let him know like im an atheist like its just how i am, i explained why and he was all for it. he supported me and my life choices, as long as i supported his. which i did. i went to his church once, it was SO MUCH FUN!!! but eventually i invited him over to my house and a few days later i was getting texts like "i want a girl as devoted to God as i am" and "as a Christian your house felt spiritually wrong" and "i need to find myself a good Christian wife" A wife???? we were 14 and 15 at the time like WHAT?!?!?!?! for better or for worse we broke up. my friend eventually invited me to her youth group. i caved and was like yk what imma see what all this 'jesus' is all cracked up to be, stick it to my ex. anyway one of the youth leaders died that day so like i obviously didn't go. i felt like it was a sign, a sign that maybe it just wasn't for me. well eventually i went. then i cried while i was there. it was AMAZING!!!!! life changing stuff. i felt like the pastor looked into my soul that day. ill never forget what he said, it changed my life. "God created YOU in his perfect image. But we cannot pretend to be righteous. As a human being, we are destined to make mistakes, we are destined to screw up. but here's the thing. God Forgives. He Loves you anyway." and he also said that there wasnt any specific way for a Christian to look. I have dyed hair and a nose ring and that is how absolutely amazing God chose to make me. Since going to youth group I've really devoted myself to religion. I have a hard time with Forgiveness, since so much has happened to me. its really really hard for me to just forgive and let go. i pray for strength and things get a little easier. anyway id like to close on some closing thoughts that i need support for, not just a ramble xD my friend asked me what my favorite verse was and i told her. its Exodus 21: 23-25. But if any harm follow, then thou shalt give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burning for burning, wound for wound, stripe for stripe. This passage has brought me great comfort. comfort in knowing that no dirty deed is gone unpunished. like if i forgive and let go, God doesn't forgive. I can forgive the man who did horrible nasty things to me, because God will punish him as He so sees fit. My friend had a different opinion. so am i taking this the wrong way??? am i just being weird?? My friends are very against body modifications to spite Gods image. My hair dye is a sense of self expression, same as my nose ring. I don't hate how God made me, i don't, sometimes i just want purple hair because its fun. So im having reconstructive surgeries to repair a part of me that i hate, that was made wrong. But if God made me in His perfect image, then why am i fixing it? is it a Sin to want to fix it? Also like any words of le wisdom u have for a literal atheist who is coming into this new world, greatly appreciated <3 -Avy (he/him)

2 years on cups

General Support / by AvyIsKing

September 23rd, 2024

Not Allowed on Cups

General Support / by AvyIsKing

May 16th, 2024

Happy mothers day to the unsung mothers ❤

General Support / by AvyIsKing

May 12th, 2024

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