Relapse
I don't know what to do at this point. Every job I've ever held has pushed me into SH or worse, and due to certain events at my last job I now refuse to work for any company, because what's the point in talking to manager, specifically corporate managers about my mental health if the corporation only take actions that directly worsen it, and then completely ignore me?
They fired me shortly after catching me SHing on camera before opening shop one day. Nearly 5 months later and almost all the money I managed to have saved up in case anything bad happened to me financially is gone, and even still I can't even think about getting a job and working without getting the itch. I'm terrified of it at this point. I'm stuck living with my parents and one of them in particular does a fantastic job in making me feel awful about living, and today they pushed me into relapsing doing what they do best.
I can't afford what I need physically done for my body right now. I've already seen the therapist that every single psychiatrist I've used in the past 2 years recommends, and none of his advice actually works on me. No matter how hard I try, which ends up having the opposite effect on me. I was even advised to leave the mental hospital's group therapy because it wasn't helping and that the insurance I would only have for another couple of weeks was preparing to screw me over before dropping me. There's also the therapist office who left me in an empty video call for an hour before saying, "oops, couldn't connect, wanna reschedule, we can't see you for another 3 months." The day my insurance expired.
Despite doing everything I can do to get away from these feelings. Whether it's the 150+ pages I've written/ typed for a novel, the 30 minutes of music I've made in an online studio, the many hours I've spent practicing my intrument, spending time in a video game, or even playing with/being around my dog, nothing alleviates the despair. Even thinking of what I've accomplished makes me feel worse, I can't find the happiness in it.
@ArbintorÂ
I'm truly sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging and overwhelming time. It takes incredible strength to share your struggles, and I want you to know that I'm here for you. It's disheartening to hear that your past work experiences have been so detrimental to your well-being, and the current financial strain adds an extra layer of difficulty.
Living with unsupportive or hurtful dynamics at home can intensify the emotional burden, and I'm sorry to hear that your parents' behavior is contributing to your distress. You're not alone in feeling scared and overwhelmed, and reaching out for help is a brave step.
It's disheartening that the therapeutic avenues you've explored haven't provided the relief you need. It can be incredibly frustrating when things that should help don't seem to make a difference. I encourage you to continue seeking support, whether it's through therapy, hotlines, or any other means that might offer a listening ear.
Your creative pursuits, like your novel, music, and time spent with your dog, are valuable outlets, even though it might feel like they're not making a significant impact right now. Acknowledging your efforts is important, and I'm here to listen whenever you want to share more or simply talk. You don't have to navigate this alone đź’ś