SH and relationships ( Advice please )
A bit of context: I have been self harming since I was 15, but I stopped for about two years. My boyfriend knows about my past with SH and it makes him really sad, since he loves me a lot. Lately, I’ve felt some extreme emotions that I have had trouble coping with, so I relapsed. When I made my boyfriend aware of it, he was extremely sad.
I don’t want him to feel like he failed me, I don’t want him to feel sad at all, and I don’t want him to feel impotent. He has never been presented with a situation like this, so he doesn’t really know how to respond to it. I’m getting to a really low point in my life and I don’t think I’ll be able to quit any time soon because everything is really going downhill. He is the only person who I can talk to; I don’t have any other support system. But I feel really selfish when I tell him about it.
he doesn’t know how to help me and I don’t know how he could help me either, but I really need someone to talk to. What should I do? I really don’t want to burden him with this and I don’t want to make him sad. He asked me to not hide SH from him and to tell him whenever I do it, so I can’t really hide it from him without betraying his trust, therefore making him anxious.
@Brocchi
Hello, and welcome to 7 Cups 😊
It sounds like your relationship with your partner is as true and supportive as it can be! Some things were made beautifully clear:
- he is not responsible for your self-harm; actually, no one is guilty - it's just a part of your life story,
- your being in a relationship (which is more nurturing, but it can also be more emotionally challenging than living alone) might make you more vulnerable,
- but at the same time your self-harm thoughts might have no connection with your being in a relationship at all,
- nevertheless, your partner wants to know when you struggle, which seems to be a sign that he's a responsible and compassionate person.
But what could you do to not overload him with your problem?
I guess he would fully understand your talking to a therapist from time to time could be good for you? Or your joining some kind of SH support group, real-life or online? Until the problem becomes a matter of the past...
@Brocchi
Hello!
As someone who has also felt strongly about not wanting to burden others I wanted to share my opinion. If he says that he wants to listen, can you ask him to let you know if it becomes too much for him to handle? This way you'd know if it was a burden. But also he could be there to be someone to talk to.