Triggering myself on purpose?!
Hi everyone,
Well I was doing okay, I lived my live, I'm clean for 18 months and I didn't let my scars influence every part of my life. Of course I know that the summer is aspecially challanging because... well I guess we all know why.
It's not that the thing I want to say is sth related to summer, just in general. I just recently felt it again and was wondering if anyone exoerienced this or feels the same way.
I am clean and of course there are difficult days, but additionaly I do sth I now noticed might be concering. Sometimes I like to trigger myself on purpose. Like I read or watch sth related to sh even though I know it can trigger me. Most of the time I can feel it for multipe days even.
I don't know what to think about that, I just wanted to know if anyone can relate to this or if it sounds weird.
I hope you're doing fine or at least okay.
Take care everyone, you're amazing and strong!
*Hugs* <3
@SoulSun808
Thank you for sharing and trusting us with your story.
I appreciate it's not easy.
I'm glad you are safe and recovering.
Sometimes our mind can play tricks on us, convincing us we need to watch these things, subconsciously telling us we miss it, there's no reason for us to not continue on doing it, messing with our hard work up to that date. I would listen to music in those moments, drowning out the doubts and keep going, reminding myself why I needed to stop in the first place. I genuinely wish you all the best 💕💜
I understand. Sometimes i do things i know will upset me. Perhaps trigger isnt the correct word, not for me atleast. More like go places online i know will make me feel awful. I think i do this because sometimes it feels like im only in control when im feeling bad. Like ive been so bad for so long any rays of recovery or whatever can feel scary!
I obviously cant say this is whats happening to you. But i have met others who its been like that for.