how i feel lately
hi! im a 16 y.o. i've been clean from sh for almost 1 years. but lately i feel so overwhelmed by some things, like the pressure of failing grade bcs lately i have feeling that I don't understand why, its like there was something bothering me, my chest really felt tight and heavy.
—I tried to talk about this with my close friends, but unfortunately they just acted indifferent, they even joked about my problem, making me even more anxious about it.
and I tried to talk about this to my parents too, but well, as usual, they blamed me again and again, saying I just didn't study hard enough, or lacked faith. especially my mom, She always has that angry looking face, like she didn't want to hear me say that I was tired or something. She said that I just need to be a good child and have perfect grades, keep studying and studying so that I can at least make her proud and be the perfect daughter she wants. .
So every time I feel heavy, or tired, I never tell anyone anymore, I keep everything to myself, but because of that, I even have the intention to relapse again, to do self-harm again. but istg, i don't want to, i want to be clean so much, but everything is just so tiring right now.
@seastarcath
First of all, I want to say that you shouldn't be upset about your friends or parents. They aren't always competent, and you may not get the support you're looking for. This doesn't mean your feelings are meaningless. You're still in a difficult situation, but you're fighting it. And that's a huge plus. As with any difficult situation, relapses happen. You couldn't get through all the difficult moments without it before (sh). Now you can, but the emotional and muscle memory still remains with you. Don't worry about it, the main thing is that you're taking steps forward. You're doing great, don't give up, and if you have any questions or difficulties, write to me or anyone else here, and you will be heard.
@seastarcath
omg i can heavily relate to this post. i was also 16 when i fell into depression and i started SH. i tried reaching out to my parents about the things that made me upset but they shut me down and started preaching about religion. only after 5 years i've started to become more mentally stable so i could somewhat function again.
i hope u find ur support system. ik it feels lonely and isolating to keep things to urself but do realize doing this for too long is not healthy. i'm glad u turned to 7cups to vent about ur struggles. just know we're always here to support u 🫶
