introduction
hi, im lex.
i’m 26 years old and have been self harming since i was 11 years old. currently, i am 6 years clean. i struggle daily with the thought of relapse, and lately my struggles have only worsened. the last time i cut myself, my fiancé and i had just begun dating. the look on her face brought me back to the beginning stages of my self injury and i swore i would do my best to stop, simply because i didn’t want to hurt her. i feel as if i can’t talk to her about it because as much as she may support and love me, she doesn’t know the feeling from experience, she doesn’t fully grasp what the feeling does. i have resorted to coming back to 7cups, the same community i was once apart of all those years ago, to see if there could still be a community that allows me to speak my mind, honestly, without judgement. i feel i am drowning. i do not know what to do. i am worried i will fall back into old habits, relapse and hide it from my loved ones, like i used to do as a kid. i worry because it’s all i have been thinking about. i look at my scars and think, why can’t there be more? they fade and i want to cry, i don’t want to see them go. sometimes i wish i could just disappear, fade, like my scars.
@AlexaAmoroso2 Hi, I'm not someone who has gone through this but to a certain extent I can understand. There might be things you're doing that might be triggering it.
@AlexaAmoroso2
I feel the same way about my scars fading .i want them to stay and even though I make more at times I still want them there even though they look ugly to people they feel apart of me and something I just want there Ive never told any one that because I knnow they wll thinnk their is something rong with me but love that you have the courage for saying what you really feel and I thankyou for me to having the courage of expressing it it was all you ,you encouraged me to speak something I always thought was not okay I gusse because every self harmer that I know even if they don't sh want them to go away and the ones that dont sh say things like ''do you want me to find some cream for they can go''or just down me on it saying ''what do you think your kids one day will say about that or if you have a job people will look at you like somethings wrong with you''
well its my story its my body and I dont care how people will look at me they've looked at me crazy all my life
this is my body I need them I dont know why I feel like that but I need them
