Validation: What it is and why it's important!
Hi everyone! It's Atticus from the self-harm recovery team. I wanted to write a forum post about validation. To me, validation in general is extremely important. Validation is used in active listening and also used in important communication skills.
Validation
What is it?
Simply put, validation is the action of accepting something. When we validate emotions and validate what others are going through, we are telling them that we accept what they're going through as true and we believe what they're saying.
Why is it important?
Validation is important because validation makes others and their stories feel accepted. We want to validate others because we want them to feel more comfortable and validation allows others to know that we are with them and we believe them.
How do we validate others?
There are many ways to validate others, including very common phrases such as "Your feelings are valid." This quote, although used often, is extremely true! Often times, we feel unsure of what we're going through and we feel unsure about whether or not our feelings are worth talking about. When we validate others by letting them know that "It's okay to feel this way" and that "You're not alone in the way you feel", we help them feel less alone.
How do we validate ourselves?
For me, self-validation is extremely difficult. Self-validation for me is to remind myself the same things I constantly remind others. To validate our own feelings, we can't let ourselves be an "exception" from others we validate. Our feelings matter too and they are just as true.
Why is this helpful in the self-harm recovery journey?
I think in my own self-harm recovery journey, I struggled a lot with self-validation of what I was going through. Unfortunately, my journey was also interrupted with the invalidation I received from others. I think it's important too know that although self-harming is dangerous and an unhealthy coping mechanism, no one "deserves" the period of time they're going through and we aren't alone in the way we feel.
Some healthy affirmations to keep in mind:
You don't deserve to go through what you're going through right now.
- Often more than not, we blame ourselves for self-harming and we blame ourselves for situations that we have ended up in. We often feel like it's all our fault and that we deserve punishment. But we are not always at fault and we cannot continue to blame ourselves for things we cannot control.
The reasons behind why you're going through something like this are valid.
- There can be multiple reasons or one reason or no reason to go through something. Regardless, your feelings are valid and they matter.
You aren't alone in this battle against yourself.
- We often feel like we're the only person that feels the way we feel. Although no one might completely 100% get what we're experiencing, the world is full of humans that can empathize with each other (including here on 7 cups!). If you feel comfortable, reach out. Talk about it and look for others who can make the journey feel less alone.
Discussion questions:
1) What is your definition of validation?
2) Has someone validated your feelings before? If you feel comfortable, what did that look like and what did it make you feel?
3) Icebreaker: What's your Zodiac sign and do you align yourself with its common personality traits?
Thank you for reading everyone :)
Thank you for this really interesting post <3
I never really thought about it or tried to give it much importance but come to think of it, whenever my feelings have been invalidated by others, it has always led me to pretty intense breakdowns. I think I usually validate feelings during chats but I'll make extra sure to check that I really am doing it enough!
1) For me validation is accepting and acknowledging someone is feeling however theyre feeling. Ill even add that its okay if we personally dont understand these feelings, it doesnt change the fact that the person is feeling this way.
2) My feelings have both been validated and invalidated. Having them validated made it easier to open up and really let things out, feeling like I had a safe space, which is always helpful as you feel supported!
3) Im an Aries :p I match with lots of the personality traits described, except the leader part which Im not really into. Im definitely determined, passionate (about some things at least lol), and driven by blind optimism. I also read Aries have a tendency to dive headfirst into challenging situations which totally applies haha! The explosive temper is true as well… but thankfully it doesnt happen often. How about you Atticus?
@LinearWaves
Being invalidated leads me to some pretty intense breakdowns as well and I really hate that feeling too! I'm sure you're good at validating the feelings of others Linear but it's never a bad idea to check with our listening skills sometimes! I like that you add that you may not completely get what they're going through. Sometimes I tend to go a bit overboard with my "I understand where you're coming from" part of validating others and I forget that I really don't and none of us fully understand. But you're right, although we might not fully understand what others are going through, we can always empathize and let them know their feelings are valid no matter what.
Yes Linear, you're definitely determined and passionate and I love that! I myself dive headfirst into challenges too :o maybe I'm half Aeries heh heh. I'm an Aquarius! I'm supposedly intelligent and very unique. I am definitely unique xD but I wouldn't say I'm naturally intelligent. I'm also very chatty and am a people person which is an Aquarius thing as well. :D Thank you for responding to this post! :)
@TheAtticusFinch
Well it might be your rising sign :p As for intelligence, I'd say it's also being intelligent to build your intelligence, as most of us aren't born geniuses, unfortunately lol
@TheAtticusFinch
Thank you for this post Atticus. I have been having a rough week and validation I think is what I was seeking from my family (I don't have any friends).
In regard to your questions:
1) What is your definition of validation? Like your description above I just want to know that what I am feeling is "normal" and that I have been heard.
2) Has someone validated your feelings before? If you feel comfortable, what did that look like and what did it make you feel? Actually this morning my husband did validate my feelings over the loss of one of my rats. It made me feel better knowing that he actually "got" the fact that even though I only had BB for a year he was important to me and when I mentioned the fact that I seem to grieve harder for "mere animals" than for some of my human relations he also let me know that it was okay and based on the fact that none of my pets have ever intentionally hurt me like some humans in my life have that maybe the love I felt for him was purer somehow (?? not sure if I explained that right).
3) Icebreaker: What's your Zodiac sign and do you align yourself with its common personality traits? I am a Carpricorn and the list of traits I found seems to fit quite well (I am not into studying the Zodiac so just Googled them). I am stubborn, I tend to work too much because I want to squirrel away money which never works. I am also realistic (been called pessimistic by family), sensitive (sometimes overly so?), and I like routine. I also tend to be a rule follower and believe we should all be disciplined equally for breaking the rules.
@wittyEyes6543
I'm sorry to hear that this has been a tough week for you :( I hope next week is better and I hope you receive more validation from yourself and your family. I'm glad your husband validated your feelings this morning and it's adorable that you described your love for him as "purer". I think it's important that our partners validate our emotions and especially grief like how your husband validated your loss of your rat (which I'm also sorry for by the way, I know grief with animals and pets is difficult to cope with). My dad is a Capricorn! Working hard is a good trait and so is stubbornness sometimes. I myself like routine as well and you're correct that rules are indeed very important. Thanks for sharing and responding to this today. :)
(Thank you for a good thread)
1) What is your definition of validation?
A sort ofagrement/acknoledment of my feelings or thughts....
2) Has someone validated your feelings before? If you feel comfortable, what did that look like and what did it make you feel?
Yes, many of my griend did validate me and it felt good, understod,, not alone and accepted...
3) Icebreaker: What's your Zodiac sign and do you align yourself with its common personality traits?
Thank you for reading everyone :)
My zodiac sign is Taurus...free, loving, independant, leisurely lounging, calm, unpretentious, friendly, dreamer, big heart ❤, forgiving and understanding, confident in calm serenity...
But do never cross him....or all hell will suddenly brake loose...
@GreenAndRedBoat
Hi green <3 thank you for responding to the thread. :) I like your definition of validation. Acknowledging thoughts as valid is important! I'm glad that others have validated your feelings before and that it made you feel not alone and understood. Often, we just really need others to try and "get" what we're going through! Awww I have many friends who are Tauruses and match that exact description. You do sound like all those things and I will be careful not to cross you! :o Take care and thank you for responding hehe.
@TheAtticusFinch
Thank you so much and never fear me 🤗😊😶❤
@TheAtticusFinch Thank you so much for this! I'm glad you shared some information on validation especially in the Self-Harm Recovery Community. And I'm sorry that you had to experience invalidation.
1) What is your definition of validation?
My definition of validation is the word itself, making something valid. When it comes to validating feelings, this does not mean approving of them or what they are feeling, rather, it's a form of active listening that makes a person feel validated and that it is okay to feel the way they are feeling.
2) Has someone validated your feelings before? If you feel comfortable, what did that look like and what did it make you feel?
Yes someone has before! A friend of my agreed with what I was feeling, and made it clear they understood what I was going through.
3) Icebreaker: What's your Zodiac sign and do you align yourself with its common personality traits?
I am a Leo! I feel like I align with some common personality traits such as being passionate and overactive on certain things, but I feel that there are always minor traits that are up to the person themselves to decide whether or not they align with them.
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@Icicle0212
Hi Icicle 
I agree with you and I think I often don't necessarily agree with what others are doing, but I'm validating that it's okay for them to be feeling that way. Validating feelings, but not necessarily actions, if that makes sense? I'm glad others have validated your feelings before and that they made you feel understood. I can definitely see you as a passionate Leo in the things you care about and the effort you put into them. Thank you for responding Icicle and take care. :)
