Updates! Going kinda.. good (I think)

TW: still same mentions of SH and mean parents.. sadly.

Life has been.. ehhh.. 60/40, but I'm pushing through!!

Good stuff has been happening (though less than I hoped)!! And it has really helped me recover alot! Though im still not reaching my past record (2 years) of being clean whatsoever, and I'll acknowledge that I have no hope of reaching it in the next following months.

I attended my sister's ringhop (she's graduating soon, I'm proud of her!!), I won a gold medal in my Arnis tournament, and I got accepted in some of my auditions (in terms of acting and commercial gigs), so I'll be getting projects (and some money eyyy) soon!

Though my family problems still remain, as my family has been getting stressed over funds and adult stuff, which has kept them on edge and prone to beeung angry A LOT. (Me and my sister are unfortunately the unlucky victims to be lashed out upon.), The words have been getting worse, and at one point my mother threw a knife at me telling me to off myself cause that's what I apparently wanted, and has been weaponizing things that have happened to me in the past. My grades have also been getting low, and one of my long time dogs has just passed (it was a bad night when that happened.)

Buuuttt!! On the bright side, I am proud to say that I haven't been turning to blades anymore!! However I am still not yet clean as I only reach atleast a couple of weeks at most before the urges win again. I have been turning to ice and salt as it has helped me in the past to stray away from blades, and hopefully SH as a whole soon. It leaves less marks and is more dull than stinging, giving me time to distract myself.

Overall I don't think I'll be reaching my past point anytime soon, it's difficult, but I'm gonna use these good moments to hopefully gaslight myself into not doing it for a little while, hehe.