was this a "bad" relapse? (HUGE TW)
Okay. Like 4 or 3 days ago I got out of bed and started cutting. I covered my entire upper thigh to mid thigh and the only area I didn't touch was the groin and the very back. It was maybe 300 shallow cuts. Woke up after that, cut the empty spots and the sides, so maybe 100 more cuts. Half a day later, cut a small bit to fat. Fast forward another half day, I cut up my entire forearm in the same manner i did with my thighs. I feel like this was such a mediocre and insignificant relapse. I've been clean for about a day now. Just please, for my own sanity, tell me if this was a bad relapse.
@h45hbr0wn
I'm not sure “bad” is an ideal term to use, because I don't think any relapse is “good,” or “okay.” A problem with using the word “bad,” is that it's too easily associated with having done a “bad” thing or being bad for having done it.
Maybe it'd be better to consider it a mistake, with the outcomes being of a greater or lesser severity.
Emotional cravings have things in common with physical ones. For example if an alcoholic takes one drink, it leads to a lot of drinking. It sounds like in your case, one cut leads to a lot of cutting. So, it's the very first cut – the one a person wouldn't assume would be “bad,” is the one that's most critically important to avoid.
I don't know if you've received counseling or therapy about this, but I hope you do.