Confused

I finally felt like I was getting better just over a week ago so I threw away my tools. I was so proud of myself. Yesterday, I was sitting watching TV when my dad asked about the scratches on my arms. I told him to get out. It hurt to have him ask, not because he wanted to reach out and care for me, but because I thought it was over. The shame and the passing stares I mean. I was finally wearing short sleeved shirts again. I felt good about where I was and all of the sudden I realized how little had changed around me. The last time my dad found out someone in our house self harmed (and she only did it once and it didn't scar) he locked away every single sharp thing in the house to the point we couldn't function in our daily lives. It wasn't me, but I had just started cutting then and it felt like I was the target, and I was being blamed for being sad all the time. The memory hurts, and I keep pushing him away when he asks, but he won't leave me alone. I ended up snapping at him and telling him it was old news and he was the only one that didn't know. He isn't home much, basically married to his work. I think that's what hurt us both the most though. I've been harming for over a year and he just found out yesterday. I don't deal well with talking about my emotions and neither does he. The last time I told anything to my parents I relapsed in all my conditions. I don't want to hurt him, but he hurt me a lot when I was finally starting to feel okay again. What should I do. I'm so lost