How do I start a conversation about sh?

@UncreativeMe

I don't think there is much stigma about depression anymore. If you know the person well enough, you can tell that. And then if the person is supportive and empathic, you can mention sh in small doses. I feel for you. Giving you a hug of encouragement.

@UncreativeMe

it is hard to show the real you after "pretending or masking " to be someone else..... if this is a close person you feel you can trust be Honest ...... show them at your pace the truth ......

depression is not as hidden and yet we all seem to smile and fake it for others ...... is there a chance they will not respond as you want them to.... yes because they could have pretended who they are too...

@UncreativeMe

Hey there, first of all , I want to let you know , that it's okay to have second guess about the decision. Talking to someone about how you are doing, is indeed the first and best start to literally everything good. But it's a tough task. It's okay to feel nervous and hesitant, okiee? Take your time. Thank you for considering this option. Talking to someone about your self-harm for the first time is incredibly difficult . It is so brave of you to get into this mindspace and consider talking about it to someone else.

And I want you to know that there is no right or wrong way to do it. Any way you find is the most comfortable for you to open up is enough and perfect.

It can be through text. It's okay if the person you are planning to talk to lives nearby or with you. Its a bit awkward but remember the goal . You aim to let it out and anyway you choose * is* fine.

Also if you want to talk to them in person...you’re probably really nervous about the thought of talking to someone about your difficulties, and it's fine. Had I been in your shoes, I would have felt the same. It’s a good idea to practice. You can practice in front of the mirror, if you are okay by that. Also talking to the person of your choice in a dark room might be soothing for some. Because during such conversations keeping an eye contact might become overwhelming .

Knowing that you *had* to do it , that you were unhappy to that extent, might come as a surprise and disappointment to whom you choose to open up. This might be a big news for them , especially if they reycare for you. So try to give some time for it to sink in . And try not to read too much into there immediate response. Because ultimately they will want to support you to overcome the difficulties you’re currently facing.

@UncreativeMe I can relate to this problem. In the 4 years I've struggled with SH, I've only ever told 2 or 3 people, and only 1 of those people hasn't been a counsellor. The first time I did it, I did it over text. I don't even remember how, I recall this friend had been a sounding board for me for a bit because I had *something* going on, but she never truly knew what for a long time. I don't talk to her much anymore sadly as she moved away.

Now I'm in the same place, feeling like I should probably be honest but my natural reaction is to hide everything as I have done for so long (my SH is in such a place that no one could find it by accident), and I'm struggling to find a way to say it. I also have the problem that I naturally downplay or am flippant with my issues because I fear people seeing me as a victim or in a way that I don't want them to. I've only ever shown what I want people to see, and I don't want people to see this.

But if people are going to help they need to know the problem, and luckily with issues like SH they are generally taken pretty seriously, especially coming from someone not very vocal about issues. I don't think there's a doubt people will take it seriously, but I think the hardest part is to let yourself be okay with people's perception of you changing a little bit. It's not a nice truth to know about someone, and you can't always expect people to learn that about you and it not change a bit - after all, they now want to care for you more and understand what you're going through. You can work it out between you what that help looks like, but don't hold back for fear of it.

What might also help - take a look at Battle Scars on the internet. They're a UK-based charity organisation based around SH and on their site they have a free downloadable pamphlet that you can fill in that allows you to express what's been going on and 'tell someone' but not in words. That might help, since you could just hand it to someone to read. I have one filled out ready to go but the timing has never been right: https://www.battle-scars-self-harm.org.uk/uploads/2/5/5/3/25538523/i_need_to_tell_you_leaflet.pdf.

Not sure if links are allowed but that's the link to it if you want to look.

Hope this helps.