I can’t stop thinking about self harm
I’ve been struggling on and off with self harm for around 10 years now. I think about it mostly when I blame myself for things whether it’s my fault or not. I just want to take it out on myself. That’s the only thing that seems to make the pain and guilt stop. Recently I’m going through a breakup. I feel responsible for the breakup entirely even though deep down I think I know it wasn’t just my fault. I keep blaming myself and I can’t seem to get it out of my head. I miss him and want him back, but I’m not desperate enough to beg him, and I fear that will only make it worse. But I also hate myself for just letting him go even if it was his decision to break up. I hate that all I can do is blame myself and think about hurting myself. I want to stop thinking about it and him.
I don't know if this will be of help, but it helped me you should try destroying something I was always feeling empty since I was little kid and it followed me later too, instead of harming myself which was my copying mechanism I tried to destroy something and it worked it gave me adrenaline I felt alive, this life felt real I wasn't just one little girl stuck in time anymore. I still need to remind myself about the cliff in my head and how grateful I am that I didn't jump it was the price I am not ready to pay, I remind myself how good it is to be alive, to breath air and not have all that earth weighing you down, what I wanted was for my loved one's to see beautiful colors and sun in sky not my face. It's okey feeling sad all emotions are valid, but it's not okey to stay that way you should see therapist they can help you cuz this isn't something little and it already last long time they will help you for sure, they always do. I'm proud of you for reaching out very brave or better to say badass move stay safe, drink lot of water, I love you and just look around you will see colors, smells and details you never did and that's where happiness is in small things and moments❤✌🏻
