I'm not OK, i't gotten worse

^{Trigger warning}

I’m not ok, like it’s been months since it got this bad and I honestly don’t know what to do, this week's been awful, I’m not ok. The past few days have been bad, I cleaned out my winter pants and most didn’t fit, I then went to get on the treadmill when my mum (she probably didn’t mean it the way I interpreted it, but it still hurt) and said that I needed to exercise more (I had been going on the treadmill) I was seriously considering trying not to eat until dinner (ended up eating more than I liked and felt really guilty about it) I almost caused myself to be sick because of it, I only stop last minute before the food could come up, but I really wish I didn’t, and I wasn’t fat. No one even question that I went on the treadmill twice today once for 15 minutes at multiple speeds and again for 30 minutes, I wanted to go longer, I even showed in cold water for a little while reading that it burned calories. WHAT THE *** IS WRONG WITH ME! Sure I’m fat, but I have no reason to stop eating, i also probably make it clear that I don’t have an ed or anything just struggled with sh the past year or so (not seriously, like never need treatment or anything)