I thought I was past this point in my life

I'm embarrassed to admit I'm less.than 24 hours clean Yesterday, I ended up doing what was considered to be a low form.of self harm I chose to run all my errands on my own, bussing and walking everywhere refusing help refusing to stretch them out over a few days and all while toting a 12lbs weighted blanket, in my full work uniform, in 90 degree heat I got back home about 5 hours after my shift.ended, sweaty as all hell, with welts on my neck and thighs , and feet that still hurt. I did all this.out of stubbornness and feeling that it was the right punishment for invading my girlfriend's privacy last week, and upsetting her greatly. I full acknowledge that during my errands I could've just stopped,rested ,went home and did some of.them the next day. Or called an Uber,a friend or even asked my girlfriend for help. But I didn't. I chose to be in pain and discomfort I also did this to prove to myself,and by extension her and a couple of our friends that I can do things completely on my own. I've been called too reliant and needy, and I did this to prove im.not. My girlfriend doesnt know what I did, and I dont want her to know.