I want to stop... but I don't want to. (TW!)

I know how you feel. I struggled with self harm for 10 years and still do. I've been clean for a couple months but i still think about it every day. Self harm is an addiction just like alcohol or drugs. You begin to rely on it for happiness or at least a sense of control over your emotions. But finding the source and coming to terms with it is the only way to start the healing process. Mine was and still is insecurity. I changed my diet, bought clothes that made me look good, and i started to not need the pain and blood as much. We hurt ourselves because we think we deserve it, or because its better than the emotional pain. But getting through emotional pain makes you stronger as a person. You're still here and breathing no matter what the source of your pain is. I know its hard but sometimes we need to look deep inside ourselves to find the source of the pain and be able to confront it and deal with it. Its not an easy path but that light at the end of the dark tunnel is worth reaching. I used to see my scars as happiness, knowing they were what kept my pain away when i needed it the most. But theyve become a painful reminder and the people i care about still wince when they see the marks. Self harm isnt worth it in the long run. its best to work on finding what causes you to do it and facing that demon so you can prove you're stronger than it and it has no power over you. You are the one in control of your mind. You are in control of your actions and emotions. Not the pain.