Possible Trigger Warning
I feel a strong impulse to either hit myself hard or bash my head on somewhere hard (like a wall or a kitchen top) every other day these days and I dont know what to do or how to stop. Its always every other day I do this because I always regret doing it the day after (usually with a splitting headache or a slight bump or bruise). It originally started when I was about 14 or 15 and it didnt come back for a few years, but now its back and its worse than it was. Back then. I only did it when I had made a terrible mistake, but now I do it even if I havent done anything wrong. My own voice tells me that Im just a worthless piece of shit, and when I cant take it anymore I hurt myself.
I thought I should reach out for help, but its quite difficult to tell someone that is close, which brought me here.
@convivialKiwi962
Hey, Kiwi. First, I'd like to say you're very brave for wanting to reach out! It's a hard thing to do, but I'm so proud of you for doing it. It sounds like your mind is constantly putting you down- what emotion do you think is the prominent one? Is it anger at the thoughts, sadness because of the thoughts, restless because the thoughts never seem to stop...? Which one is the main emotion?
From there, maybe we could figure out more effective ways of releasing that emotion. I'll link you to a post that sets out distraction techniques according to the mood! Here it is (click me!) Additionally, using some processing tools could help, too. Processing tools are things you can do to help you slow down the thoughts, process them and then act upon them calmly. Such tools include journaling, drawing how you feel internally, meditation and talking to someone/venting. Are any of those doable for you? We can start with doing them after we hurt ourselves, then slowly figure out triggers, how we feel right before we hurt ourselves, and try to process the thoughts before we act upon them. It's a step-by-step process. <3
I hope some things have been helpful. <3
Hi there @convivialKiwi962
I am really sorry to hear you are suffering so much. Hearing your own inner voice telling you such harsh things is extremely painful and I understand why you could be drawn towards self-harming just to make it stop.
Working on your emotions and then trying to find an appropriate and healthy way to release them is very important. Rebecca has already suggested you a few tips on this.
I want to share with you a short video that my therapist suggested to me some time ago. It is about this inner critic voice that can be so harsh and tough on us. I found it very helpful and I thought perhaps you may like it too…
Last but not least, thank you for sharing all this us. I am very proud of you, as it is never easy to reach out for help.