Relapse (trigger warning)
After almost an entire year clean I relapse again last night. I am in a really bad place right now and I was just feeling so alone and so sad and in pain and it was just like an instinct. I feel ashamed but I also do t think I’m gonna get better any time soon.
I obsessively pick my skin (specifically the skin on my thumbs) so my hand have been bleeding all day in school. I didn’t manage to stop that picking in the year I’ve been clean but I stopped cutting, so I feel so upset that I’ve gone back to this.
I’ve only been on 7 Cups for a short time so I don’t know if this is what I’m meant to do or say, I’m sorry.
At this point, nothing is okay anymore. I hate everything about myself. All I do is ruin things and fail over and over again. I can’t stop upsetting people, my grades aren’t good enough, I’m so exhausted all the time I can’t do anything. The future is just this - today over and over again until I die. All I can do is try to help people, and what is the point if I’m not good enough to do that