Struggling to stay clean

Hello. I’m a 19 year old medical student. I’ve been clean from self-harm for almost 2 years but lately I’ve really been struggling to stay on the wagon. I have a panic disorder and general anxiety, and lately have been feeling really really self-conscious of my weight, to the point where all I can do is cry and hate myself for it. I could really use some pointers on how people stay clean, it’s been getting so hard to remind myself that It doesn’t help me...please help..