Suicidal, self-harm and completely alone. I am from Ukraine *trigger warning*
Hi, reader, I would like to give my name, but anonymity has become an integral part of
my life. The fact is that I can no longer honestly talk about my thoughts and feelings
with real people, i have to constantly hide that every day I dream of suicide, that I
can no longer feel anything other than hate, fear, despair and loneliness. I constantly
lie about where I got these or other injuries, bruises, self-harm has become a serious
problem. I want to d i e, but that
@QwertyFox
Heya, sorry I just moved this thread to the self harm recovery community where it fits better with the discussions. I'm sorry that you have been feeling rough about things, and I really hope you feel better soon 
If you ever want to connect with a listener I'm here, and you can always talk to others in the community here around in the self harm recovery forum area, a lot of users go through this, you are not alone and we are all here for you
Hi there @QwertyFox, welcome here. I am glad you have found us and I really hope you will find in this community the support you deserve.
I am really sorry to hear you are sitting with those challenging emotions and thoughts. It is certainly extremely difficult, especially when you have no one to talk to. I am very proud of you for reaching out for help and please know that you are not alone here.
I am so sad that you feel sui_cidal, I know how painful this thought is. But I am glad to see that a part of you recognises that you do not want to d_ie. Please have a look at these pages if you are considering sui_cide:
https://help.7cups.com/hc/en-us/articles/360026238093-Crisis
I want to emphasize that crisis hotlines do help. If you find yourself in immediate danger or with increasing suicidal thoughts, please reach out for help.
As for self-harm, it takes time to find alternatives that work for us, but it is possible. Here you find a few links to posts where alternatives have been previously discussed. You will hopefully find something useful:
https://www.7cups.com/forum/SelfHarmRecovery_65/InformationandResources_1079/TheButterflyProject_93051/
If you would like to discuss more in detail how you are feeling, or if there is anything we could do to support you, do not hesitate to reach out again. I really hope to see you around.
Take care.
@QwertyFox Hi! Can you tell us more about those feelings that you are afraid of showing?
@MA1399,it
@QwertyFox
I think it's really good that you have goals that you consider more important than anything else! Have you tried writing your goals down and defining the problems that are stopping you from realizing them?
It must be hard for you to deal with your feelings all by yourself, especially with being a war veteran. Just know we're here to support you.
What made you start self-harming? Is it related to being a war veteran? You said you subconsciously don't really want to stop doing it, it must have become sort of an addiction for you. I'm very glad that you're here asking for help and instructions on how to stop though. What is it that keeps you from quitting self-harming?
Are there any other coping mechanisms you've tried that are healthier? Something that makes you feel better and at peace, and helps you overcome the emotions you find difficult to deal with.
How about you consider replacing your self-harming with another activity that isn't as harmful? Whenever you get those thoughts, instead of doing that, why don't you try doing something accomplishing towards your goals? (These are just examples: be it going for a run, working on a project, or even just something you like doing, like starting a tv series, etc.)
Starting with small steps. Dont get discouraged if you fail sometimes, what matters is you're still trying to recover.
@Sumerki, Answering your questions, i did not try to write this, it will not work for me as all other positivity stuff. Of course i tried things like sport, cold water and hitting something else, but point is, that in critical seconds i WANT to h u r t myself, because in this moments i thinking about how useless i am and how little in generally i done to reach my goals, in this moments i see how senseless all this and my desire to d i e takes over my mind
@QwertyFox we're here to help you <3