**TW** I relapsed again
I just got 7cups again so forgive me if im doing this wrong.
umm. hi. youre basically the only people who know i self harm. i was 2 months clean. before that 6 months. it always just a day and a few cuts.
TW*** im sorry to be graphic but for background info, I self harm using things around me usually. i used a pencil when i first started. Ive used razors. pocket knives, and mostly. fingernails. ive scratched myself so hard that i draw blood. i call it cutting because im cutting myself, just using my nails. im so sorry to be graphic
I was doing so well. but this quarantine is really killing my mental health. and I was talking with my school counselor, (shes absolutely amazing, so much better than my last one) and it was a good day for me. I had showered, curled my hair, talked to my best friends. and it was so good. but right before i called her, i stopped crying after 3 hours. i tried to look like i had my shit together. *pardon my swearing* and it was good. well apparently i mask too well. i wasnt upfront with her because my parents were home and i didnt want them to hear. I emailed her apologizing to her for it because i felt bad and she told me that I should schedule a time but not as often because other people need her more. Yes. other people need her. the world doesnt revolve around me. but i really needed her that day. she doesnt know that. and she doesnt know that i self harmed.
Mom sorry, i just needed to tell someone
@pheonixfyre
Hi darling, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I am glad that you are aware of what's going on with you, so you are still on your way to recovery. You are strong to confess what you're doing regardless of whether it's a relapse or a change in frequency. I hid my self-harm and eating disorders for years because I didn't have the courage to expose this weak and dysfunctional side of me.
Your counsellor is right is saying that there are others who need her. However, she knows that you need her too, so there's no need to feel rejected or guilty. You can always come here or find other avenues ( doing a dance or whatever you enjoy or talk to any other trusted person) if it's before the scheduled appointment with your counsellor, if it helps.
I wish I could give you a hug right now, I hope a virtual hug works! *hugss* I am going crazy stuck at home with my triggers. It's a really tough period for everyone, we're all here for everyone!! ❤️💚
@pheonixfyre
I also don't get help because I look like I have my shit together. And it's hard because when you start comparing yourself to the crappy stuff that other people are going through it's usually pretty easy to find someone who has it worse. But that's why I think it's a big mistake for anyone to think about it that way. There is no queue where the the people who need more support get to go first. On the other hand, I'm not sure what the right thing to do is... I'm still trying to figure that out. Anyway, you're not alone and you're not wrong.
