The thought of it came back

After unhealthily checking on an Ex’s instagram, I felt like hurting myself. I felt like disappearing and i felt worthless reading, “Shes my actual best friend” and my heart broke into a million pieces because the times that I was ever there for him dont count anymore. I cant hurt myself because I cant go down that route again. I have to take control and i have to be better. But when the thought of my slitting my wrist came to mind, i thought i’d feel free. But its a trap, an unhealthy coping mechanism trap that engulfed my teenage years. My mental health does not define me, but if I hadnt had any problems maybe 50% of the ppl i knew in life would stay.