regret

I found out today that id been a crazy person for a long time. My past still haunt me up until now. I became toxic in socmed and rant about my personal problems and confidential stuffs because i was not in my right mind at that time. I really regret it and i feel guilty. Because of that, i cant sleep properly again and i feel like my anxiety is getting intense right now. I usually have long hours of sleep compared before. People here in my place somehow remember my biggest mistake that i made even though it happened long time ago. And i just feel ashamed right now. The people who knew me are laughing whenever they see me and some avoid me because of my mistake. I had a very damaged reputation here in my place. And right now im having a hard time maintaining a job because the stigma that it caused me. People in my place rejected me and had a bad impression of me. It feels like everywhere i go they knew my past mistakes and still judged me from it. Right now im unemployed and trying to become a freelancer because honestly i cant take the stigma outside my house. I know my reason why i resigned is very shallow. Because when i was in my previous work, i usually thought of harming myself because i cant take the insults of my coworkers because it was way too below the belt. They keep calling me names and make fun of me whenever i did a mistake. Nobody knows that i attempt to self harm except for my family. I just didnt continue to do self harm because i think of my parents. They endure so much especially my father who make sacrifices just to make sure we didnt get hungry even though his colleagues are insulting him that our family is crazy. That intelligent people are crazy. He endured it thats why i still choose to continue my life for my family.