sh all my life, getting worse?
i'm 24 and i rely on sh to punish myself when i'm in a really extreme place with my feelings. i feel subhuman and grotesque. i frequently cut my thighs with rusty items, hit myself in my face, punch myself in the head, slam my head into hard walls and often contemplate suicide.
i don't have any choice but to keep on living. i have no support system and often deal with thoughts of dying, so i self harm as a sort of deal with myself where i keep on living on the condition that i punish myself for being a grotesque and subhuman person.
i had a therapist once try to report me to social services after hearing about my alcoholic parents so i don't generally seek it out now. i worry things will get worse, but my life isn't improving either. any help would be appreciated.
ive self harmed intermittently since at least age 11 and i've considered suicide since i think age 8. if i die i know i will leave other people's lives in ruins, so i have to figure something out. i know that's a fucked up way to see it but i don't care about myself anymore. thanks for any help
I'm very sorry that you are going through. I use to also cut myself. When I was feeling excatly the way you was feeling I didn't tell anyone about it. To this day no one even knows thats how I felt. It was a huge struggle but what helped me deal with me was to get out of the house. To go hang out with friends even though I didn't want to I would force myself to surround myself with people who I knew did Care about me. Doing things you once did love to try doing them again even if you have to force yourself to do it. Its gonna be hard. Because getting out of your head is extremely hard. I hope that maybe you can force yourself to get out of your head and hang out with people who you know truly care about you.
I hope things get better for you and can find a way to help you :)
