umm…yeah read with caution
Triggering (most likely) -somewhat dark
ummm….what can I say.
I’m not ok
My heart tenses my brain races
The thought of food is to much face
The urge to expel it grows
Every step is not enough, I need to do more
My mind is poor
My screams are ignored
My tears are frozen or misunderstood
….
My silence and quietness not analysed
My friends push it off or don’t even realise
No one sees that i’m not ok
No one sees what I’m reading in the school library
No one sees the questions and reasearch
No one questions my detailed response
They brush off my knowledge in PDH lesson
Will anyone
I feel myself spiral
What is happening?
What’s wrong with me?
I know it’s not an eating disorder
But still…. what is it
The quilt of eating
The guilt of not meeting my step goal
No one sees me leaving randomly
No one sees me withdrawing from the group
No one sees i’m not ok
How long will it take until it’s too late
when do you no, when does this reach the point of not being ok
Why do I eat eating
Why do I hate being clothes
Why do I always think of weight, exercise, and not eating
Why do I want to feel pain
No one sees my knowledge as a warning or cause if concern
No one sees through my well thought out lie
Or my on the spot ones
No one sees through the i’m fine, the shrugs, the small shakes of the head
No one sees through the mask and the smile
Just smile and nod and no one will know
No one sees that i am not ok
Safe: Reading, will go to bed soon. Please commet if you can, even if it’s to acknowledge that i’m not a freak, insane or ignored. I just need to know i’m heard.
@willingSugar9815
I hear you. I'm here, and I want you to know that you're not alone. Your words paint a vivid picture of the pain and struggles you're experiencing, and it's important to reach out and share those feelings with someone who can help. It can be incredibly difficult when those around us don't seem to notice or understand what we're going through, but that doesn't mean your experiences are any less valid.
You're not a freak, insane, or ignored. Your thoughts and emotions matter, and they deserve to be acknowledged and understood. It takes a tremendous amount of strength to open up about your struggles, and I admire your courage in doing so. It's okay to not be okay, and there are people who are willing to listen and support you.
If you feel comfortable, consider reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, or a mental health professional who can provide the support you need. They can help you navigate these challenges and find healthier ways to cope with what you're going through.
Remember, there is hope for healing and finding a path forward. You are deserving of love, compassion, and understanding. You deserve to be seen and heard. Reach out, speak up, and allow others to be there for you.