Clean, but struggling
I'm 4 months clean as of today. I've had a really rough day. The guy I was talking to basically dumped me because I might be going away this school year but he keeps texting me like he didn't just hurt me. My older sister graduated this year but she's in a dark place so she's angry all the time and does anything she can to hurt me and the rest of the family. My oldest sister is super upset about her behavior but she used to be like that too. Anyway, I keep making boundaries and my older sister keeps crossing them and blaming me for being upset like I did something wrong. Then my oldest sister started talking about her extremely restrictive diet and asked if laxatives work (I had atypical anorexia and bulimia) so it was super triggering for me. I started shaking and couldn't let go of the towel I was holding but my family is absolutely clueless. I walked away and have been trying all of my coping mechanisms but I'm really not in a good place. It's the worst I've been in months but I don't want to just avoid it I want to face the emotions so they'll go away, but the situations that are upsetting me are ongoing and I have no control over them. I've tried setting boundaries but they keep getting crossed no matter what I do. Any advice?
@PorcupineRay Hold on in there. It is not worth breaking the streak. Go for a walk, listen to music (I recomend NF), or even call a friend. Don't give up that easily. You can do this.
@PorcupineRay
Hey there ! I hear youve been struggling lately, with this rough day, between this guy dumping you and ignoring that hes hurt you, the situation at home with your sisters blaming you, triggering you. It sounds like a really challenging and overwhelming situation to handle and I definitely understand how this all would put you in a bad place and make it hard for you. Im really proud of you though, first for turning to your coping mechanisms, and second for this mindset you have: it takes strength to want to face the emotions and not just avoid them! As youre seeing though, these are situations you cant control, which surely makes them even harder to handle. Its great that youve set boundaries though, although Im sorry to hear they keep being crossed…
I dont know if this is something that you could do, or if you think that could be helpful, but do you think you could just sit down with your sisters and tell them that this is all putting you in a bad place? Sometimes when going through a tough time, we tend to take it out on others, who often are our closed/loved ones, and this isnt okay at all, yet we may not realize it so it could open their eyes (without necessarily blaming them) that its hurting you and that youd like your boundaries respected because youre not feeling good about it all?
I dont know if you think that could help, let me know, we can always brainstorm some more ideas! Were here for you through this challenging time and I really hope things start being more manageable really soon, were cheering you on! <3
