First relapse in 2 years
Hi, im new to 7 cups so this thread might not go too far i have been incredibly stressed lately, very depressed and just feeling how i used too.
I have never seeked professional help before i usually just try to "fix" things myself. But i have had a rough couple months. My depression came back with the grievance of my nan who passed away and my auntie committed suicide last year. Because of my inability to find any motivation my relationships and college work have fell behind. I have a loving family and a loving boyfriend that im grateful for and have helped me get to a happy place. Last night i couldnt sleep i was alone no one else was in the house and out of nowhere i had a complete breakdown and self harmed for the first time in 2 years.
I guess now im just feeling guilty and ashamed and dissapointed in myself im sure my boyfriends going to find out and hes going to be so upset and its all my fault.
Im sorry for the rant, and if this was upsetting to anyone. I just needed to get it off of my chest and feel like i wasnt alone in this. Everyone treats self harm as an attention seeking behaviour or something to be deeply ashamed of and its getting to me.
Thankyou if you have read and gotten to this point as i know its alot of writing haha.
Hi @Cb309243, first of all welcome here. I am really glad you have joined our community and I hope we will be able to make you feel supported and not alone.
I am sorry to hear you have been dealing with so much lately, and I am particularly sorry for your losses. I can imagine how losing a family member by suicide would be extremely difficult to handle.
You write you are sorry for your rant, but I would encourage you to actually be proud of yourself. I am proud of you. It takes strength to reach out for help, and even to write down our feelings as you just did. Guilt, shame, and disappointment: they so often follow relapses. I really understand why you feel the way you do. But again, I would want to encourage you to actually try and be compassionate towards yourself, and find ways to soothe yourself, to nurture your body. Self-harm is a coping mechanism we may resort to when we feel overwhelmed for instance. It is certainly unhealthy, but nothing to be ashamed of. Relapsing doesn't mean you are not on your recovery path anymore.
@admaiorasemper thankyou for being so supportive and understanding in general ❤❤
it was really difficult loosing my auntie to suicide but the amount of pain i felt after she went reminded me of how precious human life is. And how although sometimes i may feel like a burden often people just care about you. And i know that they would be deeply hurt if i left its one of the only things keeping me going.
It did take alot to write it all down, i just needed to get it out of my mind. Thankyou for your message ❤
@Cb309243
You are very right, life is precious even if there are times when we don't see this.
I hope shame and disappointment have left you and you are feeling better. We are here for you, do not hesitate to reach out if you need support or just for a safe hug should it be ok with you
Hey there, @Cb309243
I'm sorry to hear that you have been having a rough time lately. I now ti can be easy to want to fix things ourselves, but it's always okay to reach out for professional help as well when we are unsure how to handle things.
I'm very sorry about your loss, I know that can be tough to deal with. We are always here for you at 7 Cups! Do you have any support in dealing with this grief? It can be hard to deal with it alone, but you don't have to.
When we are dealing with a lot in our lives, finding the motivation and energy to do things can be tough, but it's always okay to take a break and to slow down a little.
Relapse is hard but it's okay to struggle and it definitely dones't mean that you are doing it for attention. Self harm is hard to deal with but there is a lot of support here for dealing with it! Here are some ressources that you might find helpful!
Self Harm Subcommunity: https://www.7cups.com/home/selfharm/
Self Harm Self Help Guide: https://www.7cups.com/self-harm/
You never need to apologize for what you are going through, your struggles are valid! We are always here to support you!
@CommunityModJordan thankyou ❤ my family are keeping quiet about it which sucks i cant talk about it with out someone/or myself crying so we havent really talked about it.
The funeral was really really beautiful so that gave me closure i guess.
When ever i attempt to talk about my issues with others they assume im attention seeking, broken or they dissappear from my life. I try really hard not to put my issues on others everyone has their own thing going on. Im scared i have told my boyfriend to much and now hes going to leave me. Even though hes been nothing but supportive..
So in terms of me being able to talk to anyone i have no one. Which is why i signed up to this to see if it helped.