What to do when your friend says you are toxic
Hey there.
Self-harming has never been the first problem in my mind, I've never watched at it like a disorder. It was just a reaction I had, it couldn't be so bad, I thought.
But. When I was in therapy I tried to talk to my therapist about it, but I've felt so judged that I've stopped talking about it. That's probably the only thing I've kept hidden from her. I just went on like it was a reaction, my private thing and not a bad disorder.
Uhm... Lately I've talked to a friend about it, after after a bad day... you know what kind of bad day.
She seemed fine, a bit worried but, well, I guess it was normal. I've tried to reassure her I am fine and it isn't something I do every day, and that I'm not suicidal at all.
But yesterday, talking to her, she told me that she feels obliged to answer to me because she feels bad for me, and that she thinks our friendship is a bit toxic. Moreover, she feels pressure because she's afraid I could harm myself if she gave me a wrong answer, like it was some sort of a quiz show.
I've felt so hurt. I've never talked about it to someone, except for my bff, and she loved me and understood me just fine. I thought I was safe by telling to this other friend, we've talked everyday for more than one year. And yet, it seems that all she sees in me now is a problem.
I feel so wrong and hurt at the same time... and I didn't know who to talk to...
I went through something similar recently. I know its really tough but its not your fault at all. You did the right thing by talking about your feelings instead of bottoling them up.
I know it really sucks, but its a failure on your friends part that she didnt know how to handle the situation. You are not a toxic person, your friend just clearly doesnt know how to handle the situation so shes made it seem like your fault when really she just doesnt have the maturity to deal with this.
@itslovelytobelovelyy
You're so kind... I'm sorry you went through something similar too. ❤️
Thank you so much. Actually I'm sorry for her, because I know that probably it is difficult to handle with something like this when you don't know how and I surely didn't want to give her one more burden, but... it still hurts, hm hm.
@Vitani
Hey there, thank you for having the confidence to share all of this I'm proud of you for opening up a little to our community. I can understand for you self-harm can feel quite normal if you're used to turning to this as a way of supporting yourself to get through tough struggles while i recognise this I hope reflecting now you may see it potentially is not the most healthiest of reactions but it's okay we are here to support you. It is good to hear you have a therapist, sorry to hear you do not feel confident in sharing with her about your self-harm anymore due to judgement that's for sure hard go go through this alone having been judged on it previously. Rest assured we are not here to judge you I hope you'll find support in our community. I can see your friend must find it hard to take in this information and if she has not previously experienced having a friend self-harm it can be challenging. For sure it can feel like she is talking to you alike a pop quiz worried about something she may say could lead to you self-harming. Perhaps it could be an idea to converse with her and explain some things about it and clarify with her the support you are looking for and assure her that you're not like a pop quiz and she can say whatever she needs to within reason. Talking things through and explaining things may be beneficial to your friendship if you feel confident with it. This is because communication is key in ensuring a healthy relationship and having a friendship where you feel confident and safe to share things is important. It can be hard for people who have not self-harmed or been put in a situation where they recognise how to react to this so this may be some reasoning behind her reaction. I highly suggest and encourage talking to her and explaining your feelings and what you are looking from her as a friend, be open yourself too see if there are things she is looking for in you and if there is anything you can do to help the friendship continue to thrive and become a better bond. I hope you'll have a chance to resolfe things - you're not alone in this we are here for you! 
